Big Stories Developing

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One Can Always Dream

From the Orlando Sentinel opinion page:

We understand the desperation of agencies scouring for money this year. We know how the political game is played in Tallahassee, but the universities shaping the next generation of leaders should be above that.

Conference Paper

I’m sorry that blogging has been light. I’m working on a conference paper: Biting the hand that feeds you: A narrative account of the critical blogging of an academic administration.

Follow Up: It Ain’t Watergate

In this earlier post, I suggested John Hitt might have something to hide because he seemed to be protesting too loudly that UCF’s illegal loans to UCF athletics were not like Watergate. To save the reader from reading the full report, I’ve encapsulated the legal issue surrounding these 7.4 million dollar loans into a dramatic conversation between John Hitt (JH) and Ted Sauerbeck (TS).

TS: You have no statutory authority to loan this money to UCF Athletics.
JH: My authority can be implied from the statute, bitch.
TS: No, bitch – you can only make loans for which you have specified authority.
JH: You are wrong, but I’ll stop.

When he suggested the issue wasn’t like Watergate, I think John was using a straw man technique. Rather than just admit he fucked up, he made up a non-existent oppositional argument – that these illegal loans were akin to the Watergate break in – with which it is possible to reasonably disagree.

Laughable Quote of the Day

From the Central Florida Future’s article on project bid rules:

"We will certainly follow this limit if it is placed on us," Chopra said. "If we [violated] that in the past, it was an oversight. … Our board does not want or have the authority to go against the Board of Governors."

Chopra and Merck said UCF will do its best to enforce the threshold set by the board.

"We do not want any university to violate a business practice," Chopra said. "Good, sound management is what we are going for. We cannot afford to waste money."

It’s Expensive to Pretend You’re Important

UCF has 830 employees who are given cell phones. This costs the university $460,000 a year (source: Sauerbeck report). Here’s my bold, entrepreneurial initiative: Reduce cell phone costs by 10 percent and UCF can afford to hire a new instructor.

She Does Have Some Shame

Senator Lynn does the right thing and agrees to continue her FSU job without pay.

More Graft

From the Sauerbeck report (for the pdf, click here), I learned an interesting thing about David Mealor’s compensation agreement (for background on Mealor, see this post). UCF agreed to pay him 30 percent of his salary while he was serving full-time in the legislature. What the fuck? Mealor doesn’t do anything when he’s “working” for UCF, and UCF agreed to pay him thirty percent even when he’s not. They should just pay this guy in a brown envelope and remind him to give Tony Soprano his taste.

It Ain’t Watergate???

Regarding the university illegally loaning UCF Athletics 7.6 million dollars, Hitt said, “I really think there's a group of folks who are trying to see this as the next Watergate, and it ain't.”

It’s an odd comment, isn’t it? Watergate involved breaking and entering which is punishable by a prison sentence. The loan to UCF Athletics is illegal, but there is no penalty for the violation which is why UCF did it. I haven’t heard of anyone, other than Hitt, comparing this loan to Watergate. Hitt’s comment makes me think there is more to the story.

Highlights From the Open Forum, Part II

From the reporting of the Central Florida Future:

Broadcast journalism major Jen Whalen was filming the forum for UCF Knightly News. She stepped out from behind her camera to challenge the president to defend UCF's 2007 audit, specifically the findings that UCF overpaid one professor by $100,000, charged international students a $50 fee and loaned money to the Athletics Association without proper approval or a plan for repayment.

Hitt acknowledged overpaying the professor, calling it a bad and embarrassing error made by personnel within the university. As soon as it was detected, he said, the university created a plan for repayment, which is already in progress.

For background on this story, see this post.

Highlights From the Open Forum, Part I

From the reporting of the Central Florida Future:

Mark Ritner, an environmental engineering major, was also unmoved by the president's response to his concerns about academic dishonesty at UCF.

"It is a serious problem across the country, and we have been proactive here at UCF over the last eight or 10 years in trying to address it," Hitt said. "Are we where we'd like to be? I don't think any university in the country is."

Ritner called the president's answer a polished political response.

"It appears that undergraduate academic standards of integrity and competency are probably the fifth or sixth item down President Hitt's priority list," Ritner said.

It Really is the Whole Family Sucking at the Public Tit

After I published this post, someone reminded me that Evelyn Lynn’s son works for Daytona Beach Community College. To be fair, I don’t know the circumstances surrounding his hire at DBCC. Unlike his sister, he may have come across the job ethically (i.e., he was the most qualified as opposed to the most politically connected).

Kudos to the Central Florida Future

They are doing excellent work exposing how UCF loves money more than following the law:

UCF loans an unaccounted for $7.4 million to Athletics without a repayment schedule

Audit questions fees that raised $185,250

A Whole Family Sucking at the Public Tit

From the Orlando Sentinel School Zone blog:

State Sen. Evelyn Lynn helped secure $1 million in state funding to establish a Florida State University-sponsored reading research center in Daytona Beach that later hired her to run the place.

Lynn's hiring is raising eyebrows because Lynn, R-Daytona Beach, was offered the temporary post paying $2,300 a week -- which would work out to more than $100,000 a year -- after she pushed to fund the center as chairwoman of the Senate Higher Education Appropriations Committee in 2007.

FSU Provost Lawrence Abele said Thursday that he hired Lynn because of her longtime experience as a teacher and school district administrator in Volusia County, not because she got the center funded. The hiring does not violate any law, and Lynn consulted the state Senate's lawyer before accepting the job to ensure there would be no conflict of interest.

Lynn could not be reached for comment.

Reports of Lynn's hiring in September come after public outcry over the hiring of another state legislator at the University of Florida amid a budget crisis that is forcing the state's public universities to make millions in spending cuts.

Here’s what I wrote in the comments:

Luis,

Lynn also got her daughter a do-nothing job at UCF. Until UCF hired her daughter, Lynn was absolutely torturing UCF with inane information requests and suggestions that she might pull funding from UCF at Daytona.

Check out: http://ucflovesmoney.blogspot.com/2007/06/bribe.html

Where is Stuttering John When You Need Him?

On March 20th, John Hitt will have an open forum for students. I have some suggested questions:

Because of budget cuts, would you be willing to take a 12 percent pay cut – this would cover the cost of a new faculty hire in most disciplines – or would it be too hard to live paycheck to paycheck on 400K a year?

Would you consider laying off one of your ten staff members to save a professor from being laid off?

If I get elected to the state legislature, will you give my unemployable children cushy, do-nothing jobs?

How much would a politically connected employee have to steal before you fired them?

The Follies of Graduate Studies Reminded Me of This Story…

A few years ago, a UCF professor taught a graduate level class in social science statistics. As an instructor, he wasn’t without flaws, but among UCF teachers, he was above average. A whole bunch of students failed his midterm. They banded together and started complaining to the department chair.

Because the department chair was siding with the students, the professor got the analytical GRE scores of the passing and failing students. The scores ranged from below average to moderately above average. There was a positive correlation between the student’s midterm score and their analytical GRE score. Essentially, the professor argued that the students who failed the midterm were too stupid to be taught statistics.

In the end, there was no formal intervention by the department chair, but the professor got the message that he needed to lighten up. After the term ended, the professor was never assigned to teach statistics again. This story epitomizes a dangerous mentality at UCF – that the student is always right.

UCF Graduate Studies Must be a 15 Year Old Girl

Because they have a fucking MySpace page. Here’s the thing: money that could be used to hire an instructor is being used to pay somebody to come up with these embarrassing recruitment strategies.

Thanks to a reader for sending me the link.

An Unrealistic Proposal

UCF’s graduate enrollment, as measured by the only thing that matters – student credit hours, continues to decline at UCF. Right now, there are a few academic entrepreneurs who are sitting in their comfortable offices with their solitaire-playing secretaries nearby wondering how it all went wrong. By applying the corporate model, these strategic thinkers implemented strategies such as eliminating a thesis requirement and lowering graduate admission standards that should have increased demand for a UCF graduate education. It didn’t work.

What is the next move? Create more online only graduate degrees? Make the GRE optional? Make the doctoral dissertation optional?

Or…just throwing this out there. How about a paradigm shift where UCF goes back to rigorous academics at the graduate level? Classes will be tough and not everyone will make it through (for evidence of graduate grade inflation, see this post). All graduates will have to make an original contribution (e.g., a thesis) to the field.

Who knows? Maybe implementing challenging graduate programs will attract more students. Throwing away academic integrity doesn’t seem to be working.

UCF Loves To Illegally Spend Money

From the Central Florida Future:

UCF mishandled several million dollars in funds and is spending more money than it should, according to a recent state audit.

At a time when state budget cuts to education have caused reductions in classes, caps on enrollment and stalls on faculty raises, the findings for the fiscal year ending June 30, revealed 13 instances of university funds being used improperly.

Several findings involved the university assessing fees and transferring funds without having legal authority for its actions. According to the audit, the university loaned $7.4 million to the UCF Athletics Association Inc. in violation of Florida statutes. There is not yet a plan as to how that money will be paid back.

Read the entire article here.

Come On, Everybody is Doing It

A common rejoinder to UCF Loves Money is that UCF is just doing what any other comparable institution would do. I agree that other schools are pulling a lot of the same bullshit that UCF does. In all cases it is wrong and should stop. Because I have a lot of affinity for UCF, I focus on it. I don’t want to see UCF become that “giant community college” that so many already believe it to be.

Spring Break Links

Some group I've never heard of is showing the BOG some love.

There is a new member to the UCF Board of Trustees.

A Forecast

For the Fall 2009 medical class, let’s assume that bribing quality students with free tuition and housing pulls them away from more established medical schools. What will the new students in the Fall 2010 class look like? They aren’t going to be getting a free ride, and at the time of their matriculation, UCF will still be a provisionally accredited medical school. My guess is that this second group will have much lower GPAs and MCAT scores than the inaugural class. Factor in UCF’s obsession with retaining every last student, even those who have shown themselves to be academically unqualified, and this will probably be a class of very dangerous doctors.

Lemons

The fan that created the logo also had this to say:

I've been enjoying the blog since a professor turned me on to it. I'm a graduate of UCF and a current staff member that is well aware of much of the stupidity and wastefulness that occurs around this place. You pretty much hit the nail on the head, so this is all I had to contribute. I suppose the slot machine could have come up lemons, and it would have been equally appropriate.

New Logo

A fan of the site sent in a great logo for UCF Loves Money.

More Chutzpah

Scott Maxwell on Mike Haridopolos:

Galling: That'd be state Sen. Mike Haridopolos, who snagged a $75,000-a-year lecturing gig at the University of Florida, even though his predecessor in the post was more qualified and many lecturers make much less money. In his own defense, the Brevard County Republican told the Gainesville Sun that, if he were truly interested in money, he would've run for Congress. "The odds of me becoming a congressman were pretty darn high," he said of the seat that state Sen. Bill Posey wants. "And I think as you know a congressman makes $170,000 a year."

Layoff Heston; Promote Binette

While reading this story about how UCF has hired an engineering firm to study the structural integrity of their brand new stadium, I was struck by how bad Heston’s quotes are (for example, see this post). Heston is too definitive when he says it is a maintenance issue and not a safety issue. Heston is not an engineer, and he doesn’t know what the study will find. I agree there is probably not an immediate safety threat, but for some reason Heston’s sureness is off-putting.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed that Binette actually does a good job of making a convincing argument even though I may disagree with his position (for example, see this post). Because getting rid of the entire News and Information Staff isn’t going to happen, I suggest laying off Heston, promoting Binette, and not hiring a replacement for Binette. This would save enough dough to hire one instructor.

Reading List

Today is very quiet. Here’s some reading material if you are bored:

The BOG may get to keep their limited power.

UCF group wants students to be able to carry guns.

An Offer*

My dog has been having a hard time finding a job. If UCF gives him a job, then I’ll tone the blog down (e.g., I’ll change the name to UCF Likes Money). I’d expect him to be made an Assistant Vice President. He’s quite qualified. He can shake hands and rarely has accidents. Because UCF has made this kind of deal in the past, I eagerly await a response.

*This is a joke. Not an actual offer. Extortion is illegal unless you are Senator Evelyn Lynn.

Strategic Planning – So Boring

All we do is talk and talk, and we accomplish nothing.

However, we did some good brainstorming on jokes about tiny Terry Hickey. We imagined Hickey partying at Spring Break. Little Terry has to do Jello shots off girls’ stomachs because he is too short to reach their chests. Hickey hits on the women by saying “I may be short, but I’m Provost AND Executive Vice President.” The discussion was a nice break from the tedium.

Okay, I’ve got to get back to my breakout session.

All Those Who Gain Power are Afraid to Lose It

Carolyn Roberts, chair of the SUS Board of Governors, is mad that the legislature wants to “gut the authority” of the BOG.

Strategic Planning – Focus on Growth

Within the last couple of months, the readership of this blog has experienced tremendous growth. During today’s strategic planning meeting, the consultant asked us how big we want to be. We all agreed that we want to be really big. So, we brainstormed growth ideas. After four hours of talking, we came up with three things:

First, the blog should use easier words. For example, in this post I called Ken Adams “odious.” This is a tough word for some. In the future, I’ll use the word “asshole.”

Second, we should increase visibility through the use of billboards. Until now, UCF Loves Money hasn’t done much with marketing. If we invest in billboards, we will really increase our readership. We are going to hire a consultant to find us good spots for our billboards.

Third, we should make more jokes about the Provost’s height. For some inexplicable reason, these posts are money in the bank. We are going to hire a consultant to write some good jokes about little Terry Hickey.

The consultant will be back tomorrow. Hopefully, it will be as productive as today.

Time to Write a New Mission Statement

UCF Loves Money has brought in an outside consultant to develop a strategic plan for the next ten years. This is important work so expect blogging to be a little light for the next few days.

It’s Quantity, Baby

I missed this Sentinel article about UCF when it was published in early February. Here’s my favorite part:

UCF finance professor Stan Smith agreed that the quality of students coming to the university has improved. But he is not sure students are getting as good an education as they once did."What you're seeing here is . . . the trade-off between quantity and quality," Smith said. "And the emphasis of the university has been on quantity."