Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Death of a Pegasus Model

For the last few years, several college deans have pressured Hitt and Hickey to abandon the Pegasus Model (for an explanation of problems with the model, see here). Apparently, they have relented and agreed to replace it with something that might work.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Universal Collegiate Factory

This was submitted by a reader. It’s funny:

Good afternoon and welcome to the orientation session of this section of General Education Prep 2100, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory where our motto is "You pack 'em in, we stamp 'em out." I'm Sue, your credit facilitator.

We hope our little optional attendance introduction won't take up too much of your time today. We know you have many other more important things to do than spend time at your degree program shopping site. Indeed, the Factory has asked us to remind you that on campus parking will be unavailable for customers and staff this afternoon due to the first annual [Your Corporate Logo Here] Tired Old Rock Band Festival down at the Commencement Center. Tickets are $50 and, as always, the Factory accepts all forms of payment.

This term you will be asked to complete a few minor tasks to insure that you obtain the credit you need toward your workplace approved certificate of completion formerly known as a college degree. You should not concern yourselves too much about this. This course is designed to be of the least inconvenience to your consumer lifestyles. All lectures will be available 24 hours a day. All quizzes will be multiple guess with two chances provided to take the quiz allowing you to simply look up the answers after the first round without having to be bothered with reading the material. It is, however, important that you take all the quizzes since without those numbers our upper management in Tallahassee can't be assured that you are actually learning. Please try to keep our bureaucrats happy, folks, and keep our budgets uncut.

Textbooks are always optional as is attendance at classes which still actually hold classroom meetings. As you know, there is unlimited enrollment available in our online sections here at the Factory where it's All Online, All The Time. Online sections are designed solely for the student's convenience allowing them to complete the few minor requirements for attaining credit on their own schedule. And remember, online classes are always easier because the computer does all the work for you. No need to ever miss work at your full-time job, take precious time away from your family life or curtail your social life while here at the Factory. Which reminds me that we've been asked to announce that tickets to home football games are still available. All games begin at noon with binge drinking and trashing of campus beginning at 5 p.m. the eve of games.

Should you have any questions about this course, wish to challenge your wrong answers on quizzes or simply demand your final grade be upgraded, remember that your credit facilitators are always on call 24 hours by email. In person meetings with credit facilitators and their managers, formerly department chairs, can always be arranged at the customer's convenience.

We hope this orientation has been helpful. Don't forget to go to the online Credit Facilitator Evaluation site to offer your always helpful evaluations and suggestions regarding this session. Without your numbers and comments, we can't continue to keep our paying customers satisfied. And remember, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory, we're glad you - and your money - are here!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Loathe Hitt and Hickey Instead

From a reader:

As a lowly UCF program assistant, I cringe reading every "Cut of the Day" post since I'm so intimately familiar with the PhD boneheads working in my own department. The sheer wastefulness of my own position almost makes me loathe myself as I spend a good 6-7 hours a day occupying myself on Facebook and literally praying that someone will pass on a menial task so at least I can get some form of exercise walking to and from the copy machine.

I've been at UCF for 3 years too long, surrounded by UCF lemmings and felt so alone in my distaste for so many UCF practices. This school has so much potential but constantly takes one tiny step forward, 3 steps back.

I'm rambling but my point is this - I'm so glad to have discovered someone who can intelligently discuss these topics in such an amusing way. And the worst/great thing about it is, you're so accurate!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Aristotelian Logic

From Knight News (emphasis mine):

UCF President John Hitt hosted an open forum in the Student Union’s Key West Ballroom at 11:30 a.m. Monday morning for UCF students to ask any questions they may have.

But despite clearing 1 ½ hours of his schedule and sending a campus-wide e-mail invitation out last week, only two students came to ask questions, so the forum adjourned about 15 minutes after it started.

After the forum adjourned, KnightNews.com conducted an exclusive interview with President Hitt to ask what he thought about the meeting.

Although he commented that the forums usually last longer, he was not completely surprised to see how quickly it ended. He elaborated on this claim by saying that very few questions indicate students’ contentment with how the University is run.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Help Wanted

Is anyone interested in being a copy editor for this blog? It’s unpaid, but I’ll give you a fancy title like “Associate Vice President for Copy Editing and Internationalization.” Don’t worry, even if you suck at proof reading you can keep your title, and I’ll just find someone else to do the work.

If you are interested, send an email.

Friday, September 18, 2009

95 Theses

From the Provost (emphasis mine):

This fall the University of Central Florida is introducing a new potential conflict of interest and commitment system for full-time benefits-accruing faculty. You will receive an e-mail notification on September 21, 2009, prompting you to complete your Potential Outside Activity/Employment and Conflict of Interest/Commitment Faculty Report (AA-21). Directions for completing this report will accompany the e-mail as will a list of recommended items to have available at the time you begin your submission.

The new reporting system is designed to better assist faculty with reporting potential conflicts related to outside activities. Faculty should make certain that any outside activities they are involved in do not create a conflict of interest or undermine the confidence that the public has in the university.

If you are going to threaten someone, make sure it’s veiled. Oh Terry, you are just a sinister little fucker, aren’t you? Why do you hate dissent so much? Are you that insecure? Do you know why this blog is rude particularly towards you and John? Because you and Johnny see dissent as an excommunicable offense. You don’t punish incompetence. You don’t punish waste. You don’t punish fraud. But if someone doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid and tell you how great your “vision” is then you do everything within your power to fuck them over.

Well, fuck you, Terry. I don’t want your Kool-Aid. And I don’t want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF. I want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF’s current leadership. That includes you, asshole.

What would the public see if they looked hard at what Hitt and to a lesser extent you have done? They would see a school where most get good grades. These good grades are not earned but the result of the tremendous pressure you and John have put on departments to increase graduates and student credit hours.

If the public kept looking what else would they see? They would see leadership that treats debate as an opportunity to lie. They would see highly paid administrators that serve no purpose. They would see ethical failures.

Right now the public is apathetic towards UCF. If they looked hard, they would be disgusted. You are afraid of that, aren’t you?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

It Could be Different

From the News and Observer:

After a News & Observer report showed dramatic and disturbing growth in administrative jobs (associate vice chancellors, assistant provosts, etc.), Bowles sent an e-mail to chancellors characterizing the situation as "an absolute embarrassment." He directed that budget reductions start at the top, and emphasized in meetings with chancellors of UNC schools that most budget cuts will be made at the middle-management level.

Thanks to a couple of readers for passing this along.