Monday, May 24, 2010

New Provost

Hey Tony Waldrop, please try really hard to not be a fucking asshole.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Expensive Make Work

UCF did a fancy brochure for the Provost Search. Go check it out for yourself. Here are two highlights:

There is this prominent and puerile comment from John Hitt (page 9): “Research advances our understanding of the world and benefits our economy, both of which make our lives better.” Wow, Dr. Hitt, I never knew that. By the way, I’m being sarcastic. Sarcasm helps us laugh and often makes an important point, both of which make our lives better.

There is a list of 15 prominent alumni (page 4). With the exception of astronaut Nicole Stott, none are impressive and at least two of them, Brandon Marshall and Lee Constantine, are criminals. Also, why isn’t Daniel Tosh on the list?

Let Them Drink Dasani*

More evidence of UCF’s PR prowess (from a new book about bottled water):

September 15, 2007, was a big day for the alumni, family, and fans of the University of Central Florida and the UCF Knights football team. After years of waiting and hoping, the University of Central Florida had finally built their own football stadium — the new Bright House Networks arena. Under clear skies, and with temperatures nearing 100 degrees, a sell-out crowd of 45,622 was on hand to watch the first-ever real UCF home game against the Texas Longhorns, a national powerhouse. "I never thought we'd see this, but we sure are proud to have a stadium on campus," said UCF alumnus and Knight fan Tim Ball as he and his family tailgated in the parking lot before the game. And in an exciting, three-hour back-and-forth contest, the UCF Knights almost pulled off an upset before losing in the final minutes 35 to 32.

Knight supporters were thrilled and left thirsting for more — literally. Fans found out the hard way that their new $54-million stadium had been built without a single drinking water fountain. And for "security" reasons, no one could bring water into the stadium. The only water available for overheated fans was $3 bottled water from the concessionaires or water from the bathroom taps, and long before the end of the game, the concessionaires had run out of bottled water. Eighteen people were taken to local hospitals and sixty more were treated by campus medical personnel for heat-related illnesses. The 2004 Florida building code, in effect in 2005 when the UCF Board of Trustees approved the stadium design, mandated that stadiums and other public arenas have a water fountain for every 1,000 seats, or half that number if "bottled water dispensers" are available. Under these requirements, the arena should have been built with at least twenty water fountains. Furthermore, a spokesman for the International Code Council in Washington, which developed Florida's building code, said, "Selling bottled water out of a concession stand is not what the code meant."

The initial reaction from the University was swift and remarkably unapologetic: UCF spokesman Grant Heston appeared on the local TV news to argue that the codes in place when the stadium was designed didn't require fountains. A few days after the game, as news of the hospitalizations was reverberating, University President John Hitt said, "We will look at adding the water fountains, but I have to say to you I don't think that's the answer to this problem. We could have had 50 water fountains and still had a problem on Saturday." Al Harms, UCF's vice president for strategic planning and the coordinator for the operations of the stadium, told the Orlando Sentinel, "We won't make a snap decision" about installing fountains in the new stadium. Harms did promise that they would triple the amount of bottled water available for sale, and give away one free bottle per person at the next game. Harms also said, apparently without a trace of sarcasm, "It's our way of saying we're sorry."

For some UCF students, this wasn't enough. One of them, Nathaniel Dorn, mobilized in twenty-first-century fashion. He created a Facebook group, Knights for Free Water, which quickly attracted nearly 700 members. He and several other students showed up at a packed school hearing, talked to local TV and print media, and ridiculed the school's offer of a free bottle of water. Under this glare of attention the University did an abrupt about-face and announced that ten fountains would be installed by the next game and fifty would be installed permanently.

* Hat tip to a reader for suggesting this title.

The Old Man and the Sea


He is a regular Santiago.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

At UCF graduation, Alex Sink accidentally referred to UCF as USF. Students booed. I wonder if Capella University graduates would boo if their commencement speaker referred to them as the University of Phoenix.