UCF Loves Tacky Merchandise

From a reader:

You will probably remember the UCF administration's posturing after Bud Light distributed some gold and black beer cans in the Orlando area. The university is careful not to encourage underage drinking in any way, so athletics licensed this handy belt buckle that also allows young tailgaters to open vintage Coca-Cola bottles.

Rumors

I probably won’t post them, but please keep sending in rumors and gossip about the Provost search…they are very entertaining and help break up the day.

What an Ambitious Little Fellow

From a reader:

Thought you would like to know what I just heard: Hickey has applied to become president of FAU--so much for that cover story of retiring because of age - ha!

They are only Pretending to Search

Except for the first sentence, this is a good article about the search committee for the new Provost. From the article:

Peter Panousis, the dean of the College of Sciences, was chosen to be the chair for the search committee.

He said President John Hitt was the primary person who appointed the committee.

“President Hitt chose people who were known to be positive supporters of the university and could make a very critical analysis of the skills of those we will interview,” Panousis said.

The search committee is made up of 32 members, including the chair, and includes four sections.

Transaltion: Hitt is obsessed with loyalty and picked only those he perceives as being loyal.

Here’s the thing: search committees are Kabuki Theater. Hitt knows or will know who he wants to hire.* This will be signaled to the search committee who will then make sure to recommend his candidate. That UCF is paying money to an outside consulting firm to help with the search shows a total disregard for money.

* Here’s a good rule of thumb for UCF applicants. If you don’t know before you apply for a job with UCF that you are going to get the job, then you probably won’t be getting the job. This is almost always true for USPS and A&P positions and usually true for faculty or administrative faculty (e.g., department chair) hires.

I’m Not the Only One

Recently, I had a nice lunch with some friends (yes, I have friends), and the conversation shifted to UCF. Even though I was the only person at the table with a UCF affiliation, I wasn’t the one to move the conversation in this direction.

One of my friends non-jokingly said “UCF is the MIT of the South.” I started asking for some justification of the statement when another friend, who has an impressive engineering background and no knowledge of this blog or my feelings toward UCF, said “I don’t think having a lot of graduates is the same thing as being MIT.”

Love Shouldn't Hurt

UCF is getting a new provost in June. That’s less than six months away. But, as any reputable therapist will tell you, when you’ve been in an abusive relationship for seven years, the worst thing to do is hop right into a new relationship. Maybe UCF should try to live without a provost for a while. Learn how to “be itself,” make healthy decisions, maybe rediscover some hobbies it used to enjoy before everything got so crazy with Hickey. You know, something rewarding like delivering quality education to its students. And, when you’re in an abusive relationship, you can get really isolated. Wouldn’t it be great if UCF could reconnect with all those faculty and staff it used to be friends with? Sure it will be scary for a while. Hickey always told UCF that he knew what was best for the university, even while he pimped it out to his cronies. It’s going to take a long time for UCF to learn that good leadership doesn’t have to hurt. And, now at this vulnerable time, there’s a really big danger that UCF will just pick another bullying, dishonest provost with a Napoleon complex and anger management issues. It’s hard to break the cycle. The road to recovery will be rocky, but let’s all hope UCF is up to it.

Could Hitt’s Eulogy for Hickey Fit on a Tombstone?

President Hitt on the retirement of his number two guy:

His support for the professoriate inspired a vibrant scholarship of teaching and learning initiative and also created new career paths for university professionals.

I have never ever heard a rank and file professor (i.e., one without administrative aspirations) opine that Hickey has inspired their teaching.

Although I give Hitt most of the credit, Hickey helped usher in the do-nothing lackey administrator as a “new career path for university professionals.”

Hickey did pave the way for short people with Napoleonic complexes to become higher education administrators.*

* I feel I’ve done enough short jokes, but a good friend and uncredited writer for some of my blog posts told me “not to quit until Hickey quits.”