Reading List

Today is very quiet. Here’s some reading material if you are bored:

The BOG may get to keep their limited power.

UCF group wants students to be able to carry guns.

An Offer*

My dog has been having a hard time finding a job. If UCF gives him a job, then I’ll tone the blog down (e.g., I’ll change the name to UCF Likes Money). I’d expect him to be made an Assistant Vice President. He’s quite qualified. He can shake hands and rarely has accidents. Because UCF has made this kind of deal in the past, I eagerly await a response.

*This is a joke. Not an actual offer. Extortion is illegal unless you are Senator Evelyn Lynn.

Strategic Planning – So Boring

All we do is talk and talk, and we accomplish nothing.

However, we did some good brainstorming on jokes about tiny Terry Hickey. We imagined Hickey partying at Spring Break. Little Terry has to do Jello shots off girls’ stomachs because he is too short to reach their chests. Hickey hits on the women by saying “I may be short, but I’m Provost AND Executive Vice President.” The discussion was a nice break from the tedium.

Okay, I’ve got to get back to my breakout session.

All Those Who Gain Power are Afraid to Lose It

Carolyn Roberts, chair of the SUS Board of Governors, is mad that the legislature wants to “gut the authority” of the BOG.

Strategic Planning – Focus on Growth

Within the last couple of months, the readership of this blog has experienced tremendous growth. During today’s strategic planning meeting, the consultant asked us how big we want to be. We all agreed that we want to be really big. So, we brainstormed growth ideas. After four hours of talking, we came up with three things:

First, the blog should use easier words. For example, in this post I called Ken Adams “odious.” This is a tough word for some. In the future, I’ll use the word “asshole.”

Second, we should increase visibility through the use of billboards. Until now, UCF Loves Money hasn’t done much with marketing. If we invest in billboards, we will really increase our readership. We are going to hire a consultant to find us good spots for our billboards.

Third, we should make more jokes about the Provost’s height. For some inexplicable reason, these posts are money in the bank. We are going to hire a consultant to write some good jokes about little Terry Hickey.

The consultant will be back tomorrow. Hopefully, it will be as productive as today.

Time to Write a New Mission Statement

UCF Loves Money has brought in an outside consultant to develop a strategic plan for the next ten years. This is important work so expect blogging to be a little light for the next few days.

It’s Quantity, Baby

I missed this Sentinel article about UCF when it was published in early February. Here’s my favorite part:

UCF finance professor Stan Smith agreed that the quality of students coming to the university has improved. But he is not sure students are getting as good an education as they once did."What you're seeing here is . . . the trade-off between quantity and quality," Smith said. "And the emphasis of the university has been on quantity."