New Contributor to UCF Loves Money

Dear UCF Loves Money Readers,

Here’s why I like Arthur Barnhouse’s blog. You remember the Hans Christian Andersen tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” right? If not, here’s a reminder:

MANY years ago there was an emperor who was so fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on them. He did not give himself any concern about his army; he cared nothing about the theater or for driving about in the woods, except for the sake of showing himself off in new clothes. He had a costume for every hour in the day, and just as they say of a king or emperor, “He is in his council chamber,” they said of him, “The emperor is in his dressing room.”

Life was merry and gay in the town where the emperor lived, and numbers of strangers came to it every day. Among them there came one day two rascals, who gave themselves out as weavers and said that they knew how to weave the most exquisite stuff imaginable. Not only were the colors and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes that were made of the stuff had the peculiar property of becoming invisible to every person who was unfit for the office he held or who was exceptionally stupid.

“Those must be valuable clothes,” thought the emperor. “By wearing them I should be able to discover which of the men in my empire are not fit for their posts. I should distinguish wise men from fools. Yes, I must order some of the stuff to be woven for me directly.” And he paid the swindlers a handsome sum of money in advance, as they required…

You see where this is going. The weavers are con men, the clothes don’t exist, only everyone is afraid to say so because they don’t want to appear incompetent or “exceptionally stupid.” At the end of the story the emperor parades through the town in the buff because he is too afraid to admit that he can’t see the fancy magic clothes. During the processional, some kid who doesn’t know enough yet to be a toady points out the obvious: “But, he has nothing on!”

I’ve always liked this story because I like stories where pompous, dishonest pricks get exposed (literally in this case) and honesty wins the day. But working at UCF gives the story whole new resonance. See, UCF has always wanted to be really magnificent, top tier. Some of you may have noticed it’s not. But the institutional desire is so strong that the university, collectively, will accept any swindler who comes along and feeds it the right line. “UCF Stands for Opportunity,” for instance.

Hitt and Hickey have been weaving a big tapestry of imaginary excellence and daring anyone to notice that it doesn’t exist. You don’t want to be called out for incompetence, stupidity, or worst of all, disloyalty do you? Then you had better not mention that UCF’s president and provost are swindlers surrounded by idiots and moral cowards. Ignore the nagging suspicion that “growth” isn’t the same thing as academic reputation or that building a slipshod stadium isn’t the same as having a football program.

So, here’s the question to ask yourself: who do you identify with in this story? The emperor and his court who buy the bogus clothes, or the kid who calls them out? Which one do you think Arthur would pick? Yeah, me too.

Sincerely,

Dr. Stockmann