UCF is doing a “survey” to determine the most memorable UCF stories of the decade. Here is my list:
– UCF wastes money and man hours to develop a survey to figure out the most memorable stories of the decade.
– UCF spends a ton of money on a new football stadium. After the novelty of the stadium wears off, attendance goes into a free fall.
– The new football stadium is built without any water fountains. Hitt initially opposes adding them but then caves to public pressure.
– State Senator Evelyn Lynn extorts UCF into hiring her daughter.
– UCF administrators give themselves big raises while the people who actually do work get scraps.
– UCF is exposed for lying about the circumstances surrounding the death of a football player. This gets national coverage on ESPN.
– David Mealor, an AVP in the Regional Campuses, is overpaid 85 grand. He has to go on a repayment plan. Everyone gets a kick out of this because Mealor is a dumb asshole.
– UCF hires an academically dishonest football coach. Coach loses more games than he wins.
– Hickey gets scammed when he buys herbal supplements that are supposed to make him taller.*
What have I missed?
* This is a joke, but it sounds like it could be true.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Keith Tribble, Denier of Reality
The football team has been invited to play in the prestigious St. Petersburg Bowl. Keith Tribble, UCF Athletics Director, said “I can assure you that the Knights fans will be there in droves.”
I doubt it. Here’s the reality:
UCF's announced attendance has dropped 3.8 percent from the 2008 season when the Knights posted a 4-8 record. The announced attendance also is a 13.5 percent decline from the 2007 season when the Knights played their first season at Bright House Networks Stadium and won the conference championship.
The Knights posted a 2-2 record in September that seemed to hurt UCF attendance late in the season. The problem was obvious when UCF hosted then-No. 13 Houston on Nov. 14. The school announced attendance of 36,776, but there were plenty of empty seats when the Knights recorded the first win over an Associated Press Top 25 opponent in school history.
I doubt it. Here’s the reality:
UCF's announced attendance has dropped 3.8 percent from the 2008 season when the Knights posted a 4-8 record. The announced attendance also is a 13.5 percent decline from the 2007 season when the Knights played their first season at Bright House Networks Stadium and won the conference championship.
The Knights posted a 2-2 record in September that seemed to hurt UCF attendance late in the season. The problem was obvious when UCF hosted then-No. 13 Houston on Nov. 14. The school announced attendance of 36,776, but there were plenty of empty seats when the Knights recorded the first win over an Associated Press Top 25 opponent in school history.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
UCF Loves Money – UCF News You Can Trust
I’ve been giving serious thought to taking a sabbatical from the blog and then I see this from Al Harms:
A panel of UCF experts developed a list of the 10 most significant stories of the decade that demonstrate how we have fulfilled our promise that "UCF Stands For Opportunity." We need you to select the top five stories.
I don’t even know where to begin.
For now, let’s have some fun with the survey. Go fill it out here. For question four – Where do you most often get your news about UCF? – specify in the “other” category that it comes from this blog.
More to come.
A panel of UCF experts developed a list of the 10 most significant stories of the decade that demonstrate how we have fulfilled our promise that "UCF Stands For Opportunity." We need you to select the top five stories.
I don’t even know where to begin.
For now, let’s have some fun with the survey. Go fill it out here. For question four – Where do you most often get your news about UCF? – specify in the “other” category that it comes from this blog.
More to come.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
New Contributor to UCF Loves Money
Dear UCF Loves Money Readers,
Here’s why I like Arthur Barnhouse’s blog. You remember the Hans Christian Andersen tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” right? If not, here’s a reminder:
MANY years ago there was an emperor who was so fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on them. He did not give himself any concern about his army; he cared nothing about the theater or for driving about in the woods, except for the sake of showing himself off in new clothes. He had a costume for every hour in the day, and just as they say of a king or emperor, “He is in his council chamber,” they said of him, “The emperor is in his dressing room.”
Life was merry and gay in the town where the emperor lived, and numbers of strangers came to it every day. Among them there came one day two rascals, who gave themselves out as weavers and said that they knew how to weave the most exquisite stuff imaginable. Not only were the colors and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes that were made of the stuff had the peculiar property of becoming invisible to every person who was unfit for the office he held or who was exceptionally stupid.
“Those must be valuable clothes,” thought the emperor. “By wearing them I should be able to discover which of the men in my empire are not fit for their posts. I should distinguish wise men from fools. Yes, I must order some of the stuff to be woven for me directly.” And he paid the swindlers a handsome sum of money in advance, as they required…
You see where this is going. The weavers are con men, the clothes don’t exist, only everyone is afraid to say so because they don’t want to appear incompetent or “exceptionally stupid.” At the end of the story the emperor parades through the town in the buff because he is too afraid to admit that he can’t see the fancy magic clothes. During the processional, some kid who doesn’t know enough yet to be a toady points out the obvious: “But, he has nothing on!”
I’ve always liked this story because I like stories where pompous, dishonest pricks get exposed (literally in this case) and honesty wins the day. But working at UCF gives the story whole new resonance. See, UCF has always wanted to be really magnificent, top tier. Some of you may have noticed it’s not. But the institutional desire is so strong that the university, collectively, will accept any swindler who comes along and feeds it the right line. “UCF Stands for Opportunity,” for instance.
Hitt and Hickey have been weaving a big tapestry of imaginary excellence and daring anyone to notice that it doesn’t exist. You don’t want to be called out for incompetence, stupidity, or worst of all, disloyalty do you? Then you had better not mention that UCF’s president and provost are swindlers surrounded by idiots and moral cowards. Ignore the nagging suspicion that “growth” isn’t the same thing as academic reputation or that building a slipshod stadium isn’t the same as having a football program.
So, here’s the question to ask yourself: who do you identify with in this story? The emperor and his court who buy the bogus clothes, or the kid who calls them out? Which one do you think Arthur would pick? Yeah, me too.
Sincerely,
Dr. Stockmann
Here’s why I like Arthur Barnhouse’s blog. You remember the Hans Christian Andersen tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” right? If not, here’s a reminder:
MANY years ago there was an emperor who was so fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on them. He did not give himself any concern about his army; he cared nothing about the theater or for driving about in the woods, except for the sake of showing himself off in new clothes. He had a costume for every hour in the day, and just as they say of a king or emperor, “He is in his council chamber,” they said of him, “The emperor is in his dressing room.”
Life was merry and gay in the town where the emperor lived, and numbers of strangers came to it every day. Among them there came one day two rascals, who gave themselves out as weavers and said that they knew how to weave the most exquisite stuff imaginable. Not only were the colors and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes that were made of the stuff had the peculiar property of becoming invisible to every person who was unfit for the office he held or who was exceptionally stupid.
“Those must be valuable clothes,” thought the emperor. “By wearing them I should be able to discover which of the men in my empire are not fit for their posts. I should distinguish wise men from fools. Yes, I must order some of the stuff to be woven for me directly.” And he paid the swindlers a handsome sum of money in advance, as they required…
You see where this is going. The weavers are con men, the clothes don’t exist, only everyone is afraid to say so because they don’t want to appear incompetent or “exceptionally stupid.” At the end of the story the emperor parades through the town in the buff because he is too afraid to admit that he can’t see the fancy magic clothes. During the processional, some kid who doesn’t know enough yet to be a toady points out the obvious: “But, he has nothing on!”
I’ve always liked this story because I like stories where pompous, dishonest pricks get exposed (literally in this case) and honesty wins the day. But working at UCF gives the story whole new resonance. See, UCF has always wanted to be really magnificent, top tier. Some of you may have noticed it’s not. But the institutional desire is so strong that the university, collectively, will accept any swindler who comes along and feeds it the right line. “UCF Stands for Opportunity,” for instance.
Hitt and Hickey have been weaving a big tapestry of imaginary excellence and daring anyone to notice that it doesn’t exist. You don’t want to be called out for incompetence, stupidity, or worst of all, disloyalty do you? Then you had better not mention that UCF’s president and provost are swindlers surrounded by idiots and moral cowards. Ignore the nagging suspicion that “growth” isn’t the same thing as academic reputation or that building a slipshod stadium isn’t the same as having a football program.
So, here’s the question to ask yourself: who do you identify with in this story? The emperor and his court who buy the bogus clothes, or the kid who calls them out? Which one do you think Arthur would pick? Yeah, me too.
Sincerely,
Dr. Stockmann
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wanker of the Day -- Ann McGee
From the Orlando Sentinel:
Seminole State College President E. Ann McGee is retiring next month, but hang on to that congratulatory card.
She'll be back — four weeks later.
College trustees have approved McGee's request to retire for the month of December, then resume her job at the rapidly growing Sanford-based college in January. That will allow her to grab a potentially big payout in state retirement benefits.
Whatever. If this were the entire story, I wouldn’t have even mentioned it. But check out this quote:
Money "has not been my motivation," she {McGee} said. "It's been about moving this institution ahead."
Ann McGee is a fucking liar. How could this decision be about anything other than money? If Ann “All About Me” McGee is so valuable to the institution then how does she help move it ahead by retiring for a month?
Seminole State College President E. Ann McGee is retiring next month, but hang on to that congratulatory card.
She'll be back — four weeks later.
College trustees have approved McGee's request to retire for the month of December, then resume her job at the rapidly growing Sanford-based college in January. That will allow her to grab a potentially big payout in state retirement benefits.
Whatever. If this were the entire story, I wouldn’t have even mentioned it. But check out this quote:
Money "has not been my motivation," she {McGee} said. "It's been about moving this institution ahead."
Ann McGee is a fucking liar. How could this decision be about anything other than money? If Ann “All About Me” McGee is so valuable to the institution then how does she help move it ahead by retiring for a month?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It’s Over, Johnny
Adidas ended their three million dollar relationship with UCF because UCF promised Michael Jordan’s son that he could wear Nike. UCF thought it would be cool because low level representatives for adidas said it was cool.
Now it may be that Nike offers to sponsor UCF. No harm no foul. Even if that happens, however, it doesn’t change a simple reality: The people that run UCF are fuck ups.
Consider:
UCF couldn’t afford to put a nice stadium on campus. So they paid a lot of money for a cheap stadium that they couldn’t fill up for last week’s nationally televised game. The people at ESPN tried to make it look full, but you can’t make lemonade out of piss.
UCF couldn’t afford a football coach who is both good and ethical. So, they decided to overlook ethics, not a problem for this crew, and hire an ethically disgraced coach they thought was good. Under O’Suckass, UCF has a losing record and, more importantly, did I mention that football attendance sucks? Turn on the radio and you are likely to hear a desperate commercial begging people to buy a ticket for a football game.
Did you ever meet someone who likes to buy junk because it’s kind of cool? You know, like a car with a good body but the engine is ten miles from falling out. That’s Hitt’s thing. He buys stuff that’s kind of cool, like bouncy stadiums or football coaches who were employed by Notre Dame for a whole week, but, of course, it’s crap – useless, space-wasting crap.
Hitt gets away with it because he’s got a sweet cushion. His cushion is fifty thousand students who all pay an athletic fee. They will have to keep paying more and more because Hitt has an ego the size of the sun.
Those extra athletic fee dollars mean a lot to students surviving on the Taco Bell value menu. Yet, it is clear they mean nothing to Hitt – he keeps using them to make one dumbass purchase after another.
Now it may be that Nike offers to sponsor UCF. No harm no foul. Even if that happens, however, it doesn’t change a simple reality: The people that run UCF are fuck ups.
Consider:
UCF couldn’t afford to put a nice stadium on campus. So they paid a lot of money for a cheap stadium that they couldn’t fill up for last week’s nationally televised game. The people at ESPN tried to make it look full, but you can’t make lemonade out of piss.
UCF couldn’t afford a football coach who is both good and ethical. So, they decided to overlook ethics, not a problem for this crew, and hire an ethically disgraced coach they thought was good. Under O’Suckass, UCF has a losing record and, more importantly, did I mention that football attendance sucks? Turn on the radio and you are likely to hear a desperate commercial begging people to buy a ticket for a football game.
Did you ever meet someone who likes to buy junk because it’s kind of cool? You know, like a car with a good body but the engine is ten miles from falling out. That’s Hitt’s thing. He buys stuff that’s kind of cool, like bouncy stadiums or football coaches who were employed by Notre Dame for a whole week, but, of course, it’s crap – useless, space-wasting crap.
Hitt gets away with it because he’s got a sweet cushion. His cushion is fifty thousand students who all pay an athletic fee. They will have to keep paying more and more because Hitt has an ego the size of the sun.
Those extra athletic fee dollars mean a lot to students surviving on the Taco Bell value menu. Yet, it is clear they mean nothing to Hitt – he keeps using them to make one dumbass purchase after another.
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