Layoff List

In these lean budget times, I’ve been thinking about saving UCF money. I was able to take about two minutes and generate a list of 15 completely unnecessary employees whose termination could save UCF around a million dollars a year. Here’s the really neat thing: if these employees were axed, students wouldn’t be impacted. There would be no increase in class size, degree programs eliminated, or student services reduced.

I’ve thought about delving deeper and publishing a larger list of UCF employees that could be safely eliminated with no adverse consequences. However, I’m hesitant to do it for two reasons. First, because UCF is such a gigantic mess, there are whole sections of the University with which I’m unfamiliar. Any list would be biased against those units with which I’ve had contact (I’ve never met a unit that wasn’t completely fucking wasteful). Because I’m not omniscient regarding all things UCF, some units would get a pass. Second, I don’t mind publicly humiliating those whose life choices have put them in the public eye (e.g., Hitt; Hickey; Heston; Jans; Mealor), but I don’t want to disgrace non-public figures who happen to be getting a lot of free money.

Still, it’s unfortunate that no one is discussing the possibility that in these lean budget times, it might just be possible to minimize the impact on students by decreasing the inefficiencies in the system.