From a reader:
For your top stories thread--this one: It shows that UCF has the worst teacher/student ratio of any university in the U.S. I know that the UCF News folks included "growth with quality" or some such on their list, but this sort of growth is not at all a sign of quality.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Great Expectations
From a reader:
Who would have thought that the Lake Nona development would fail to generate zillions of dollars?
Who would have thought that the Lake Nona development would fail to generate zillions of dollars?
The “Experts” Must Be UCF Alumni
At the end of every year, Orlando Sentinel Columnist Scott Maxwell assembles a small panel of experts to determine the 25 most powerful people in Central Florida. The results are amusing. Does anyone seriously think that Deborah German, Dean of UCF’s fledgling medical school, is more powerful than a United States Senator?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
They Love You, Terry
In his most recent update, Hickey brags that UCF is going to be able to hire new tenured and tenure-track faculty. From a reader:
You think it is just slightly perverse that he is all excited that we have money to hire t and tt faculty...while the tenured professors and others recently laid off are trying to find new jobs for next year (some after decades of service to the 'UCF family')? What an asshole. And when do we get the list of the administrators who were laid off, anyway?
You think it is just slightly perverse that he is all excited that we have money to hire t and tt faculty...while the tenured professors and others recently laid off are trying to find new jobs for next year (some after decades of service to the 'UCF family')? What an asshole. And when do we get the list of the administrators who were laid off, anyway?
Memorable UCF Story
From a reader:
The time, at a Board of Trustees meeting, when President Hitt and Board of Trustees Chair Nunis donned Afro wigs.
The time, at a Board of Trustees meeting, when President Hitt and Board of Trustees Chair Nunis donned Afro wigs.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Really Memorable UCF Stories of the Decade
UCF is doing a “survey” to determine the most memorable UCF stories of the decade. Here is my list:
– UCF wastes money and man hours to develop a survey to figure out the most memorable stories of the decade.
– UCF spends a ton of money on a new football stadium. After the novelty of the stadium wears off, attendance goes into a free fall.
– The new football stadium is built without any water fountains. Hitt initially opposes adding them but then caves to public pressure.
– State Senator Evelyn Lynn extorts UCF into hiring her daughter.
– UCF administrators give themselves big raises while the people who actually do work get scraps.
– UCF is exposed for lying about the circumstances surrounding the death of a football player. This gets national coverage on ESPN.
– David Mealor, an AVP in the Regional Campuses, is overpaid 85 grand. He has to go on a repayment plan. Everyone gets a kick out of this because Mealor is a dumb asshole.
– UCF hires an academically dishonest football coach. Coach loses more games than he wins.
– Hickey gets scammed when he buys herbal supplements that are supposed to make him taller.*
What have I missed?
* This is a joke, but it sounds like it could be true.
– UCF wastes money and man hours to develop a survey to figure out the most memorable stories of the decade.
– UCF spends a ton of money on a new football stadium. After the novelty of the stadium wears off, attendance goes into a free fall.
– The new football stadium is built without any water fountains. Hitt initially opposes adding them but then caves to public pressure.
– State Senator Evelyn Lynn extorts UCF into hiring her daughter.
– UCF administrators give themselves big raises while the people who actually do work get scraps.
– UCF is exposed for lying about the circumstances surrounding the death of a football player. This gets national coverage on ESPN.
– David Mealor, an AVP in the Regional Campuses, is overpaid 85 grand. He has to go on a repayment plan. Everyone gets a kick out of this because Mealor is a dumb asshole.
– UCF hires an academically dishonest football coach. Coach loses more games than he wins.
– Hickey gets scammed when he buys herbal supplements that are supposed to make him taller.*
What have I missed?
* This is a joke, but it sounds like it could be true.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Keith Tribble, Denier of Reality
The football team has been invited to play in the prestigious St. Petersburg Bowl. Keith Tribble, UCF Athletics Director, said “I can assure you that the Knights fans will be there in droves.”
I doubt it. Here’s the reality:
UCF's announced attendance has dropped 3.8 percent from the 2008 season when the Knights posted a 4-8 record. The announced attendance also is a 13.5 percent decline from the 2007 season when the Knights played their first season at Bright House Networks Stadium and won the conference championship.
The Knights posted a 2-2 record in September that seemed to hurt UCF attendance late in the season. The problem was obvious when UCF hosted then-No. 13 Houston on Nov. 14. The school announced attendance of 36,776, but there were plenty of empty seats when the Knights recorded the first win over an Associated Press Top 25 opponent in school history.
I doubt it. Here’s the reality:
UCF's announced attendance has dropped 3.8 percent from the 2008 season when the Knights posted a 4-8 record. The announced attendance also is a 13.5 percent decline from the 2007 season when the Knights played their first season at Bright House Networks Stadium and won the conference championship.
The Knights posted a 2-2 record in September that seemed to hurt UCF attendance late in the season. The problem was obvious when UCF hosted then-No. 13 Houston on Nov. 14. The school announced attendance of 36,776, but there were plenty of empty seats when the Knights recorded the first win over an Associated Press Top 25 opponent in school history.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
UCF Loves Money – UCF News You Can Trust
I’ve been giving serious thought to taking a sabbatical from the blog and then I see this from Al Harms:
A panel of UCF experts developed a list of the 10 most significant stories of the decade that demonstrate how we have fulfilled our promise that "UCF Stands For Opportunity." We need you to select the top five stories.
I don’t even know where to begin.
For now, let’s have some fun with the survey. Go fill it out here. For question four – Where do you most often get your news about UCF? – specify in the “other” category that it comes from this blog.
More to come.
A panel of UCF experts developed a list of the 10 most significant stories of the decade that demonstrate how we have fulfilled our promise that "UCF Stands For Opportunity." We need you to select the top five stories.
I don’t even know where to begin.
For now, let’s have some fun with the survey. Go fill it out here. For question four – Where do you most often get your news about UCF? – specify in the “other” category that it comes from this blog.
More to come.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
New Contributor to UCF Loves Money
Dear UCF Loves Money Readers,
Here’s why I like Arthur Barnhouse’s blog. You remember the Hans Christian Andersen tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” right? If not, here’s a reminder:
MANY years ago there was an emperor who was so fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on them. He did not give himself any concern about his army; he cared nothing about the theater or for driving about in the woods, except for the sake of showing himself off in new clothes. He had a costume for every hour in the day, and just as they say of a king or emperor, “He is in his council chamber,” they said of him, “The emperor is in his dressing room.”
Life was merry and gay in the town where the emperor lived, and numbers of strangers came to it every day. Among them there came one day two rascals, who gave themselves out as weavers and said that they knew how to weave the most exquisite stuff imaginable. Not only were the colors and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes that were made of the stuff had the peculiar property of becoming invisible to every person who was unfit for the office he held or who was exceptionally stupid.
“Those must be valuable clothes,” thought the emperor. “By wearing them I should be able to discover which of the men in my empire are not fit for their posts. I should distinguish wise men from fools. Yes, I must order some of the stuff to be woven for me directly.” And he paid the swindlers a handsome sum of money in advance, as they required…
You see where this is going. The weavers are con men, the clothes don’t exist, only everyone is afraid to say so because they don’t want to appear incompetent or “exceptionally stupid.” At the end of the story the emperor parades through the town in the buff because he is too afraid to admit that he can’t see the fancy magic clothes. During the processional, some kid who doesn’t know enough yet to be a toady points out the obvious: “But, he has nothing on!”
I’ve always liked this story because I like stories where pompous, dishonest pricks get exposed (literally in this case) and honesty wins the day. But working at UCF gives the story whole new resonance. See, UCF has always wanted to be really magnificent, top tier. Some of you may have noticed it’s not. But the institutional desire is so strong that the university, collectively, will accept any swindler who comes along and feeds it the right line. “UCF Stands for Opportunity,” for instance.
Hitt and Hickey have been weaving a big tapestry of imaginary excellence and daring anyone to notice that it doesn’t exist. You don’t want to be called out for incompetence, stupidity, or worst of all, disloyalty do you? Then you had better not mention that UCF’s president and provost are swindlers surrounded by idiots and moral cowards. Ignore the nagging suspicion that “growth” isn’t the same thing as academic reputation or that building a slipshod stadium isn’t the same as having a football program.
So, here’s the question to ask yourself: who do you identify with in this story? The emperor and his court who buy the bogus clothes, or the kid who calls them out? Which one do you think Arthur would pick? Yeah, me too.
Sincerely,
Dr. Stockmann
Here’s why I like Arthur Barnhouse’s blog. You remember the Hans Christian Andersen tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” right? If not, here’s a reminder:
MANY years ago there was an emperor who was so fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on them. He did not give himself any concern about his army; he cared nothing about the theater or for driving about in the woods, except for the sake of showing himself off in new clothes. He had a costume for every hour in the day, and just as they say of a king or emperor, “He is in his council chamber,” they said of him, “The emperor is in his dressing room.”
Life was merry and gay in the town where the emperor lived, and numbers of strangers came to it every day. Among them there came one day two rascals, who gave themselves out as weavers and said that they knew how to weave the most exquisite stuff imaginable. Not only were the colors and patterns uncommonly beautiful, but the clothes that were made of the stuff had the peculiar property of becoming invisible to every person who was unfit for the office he held or who was exceptionally stupid.
“Those must be valuable clothes,” thought the emperor. “By wearing them I should be able to discover which of the men in my empire are not fit for their posts. I should distinguish wise men from fools. Yes, I must order some of the stuff to be woven for me directly.” And he paid the swindlers a handsome sum of money in advance, as they required…
You see where this is going. The weavers are con men, the clothes don’t exist, only everyone is afraid to say so because they don’t want to appear incompetent or “exceptionally stupid.” At the end of the story the emperor parades through the town in the buff because he is too afraid to admit that he can’t see the fancy magic clothes. During the processional, some kid who doesn’t know enough yet to be a toady points out the obvious: “But, he has nothing on!”
I’ve always liked this story because I like stories where pompous, dishonest pricks get exposed (literally in this case) and honesty wins the day. But working at UCF gives the story whole new resonance. See, UCF has always wanted to be really magnificent, top tier. Some of you may have noticed it’s not. But the institutional desire is so strong that the university, collectively, will accept any swindler who comes along and feeds it the right line. “UCF Stands for Opportunity,” for instance.
Hitt and Hickey have been weaving a big tapestry of imaginary excellence and daring anyone to notice that it doesn’t exist. You don’t want to be called out for incompetence, stupidity, or worst of all, disloyalty do you? Then you had better not mention that UCF’s president and provost are swindlers surrounded by idiots and moral cowards. Ignore the nagging suspicion that “growth” isn’t the same thing as academic reputation or that building a slipshod stadium isn’t the same as having a football program.
So, here’s the question to ask yourself: who do you identify with in this story? The emperor and his court who buy the bogus clothes, or the kid who calls them out? Which one do you think Arthur would pick? Yeah, me too.
Sincerely,
Dr. Stockmann
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wanker of the Day -- Ann McGee
From the Orlando Sentinel:
Seminole State College President E. Ann McGee is retiring next month, but hang on to that congratulatory card.
She'll be back — four weeks later.
College trustees have approved McGee's request to retire for the month of December, then resume her job at the rapidly growing Sanford-based college in January. That will allow her to grab a potentially big payout in state retirement benefits.
Whatever. If this were the entire story, I wouldn’t have even mentioned it. But check out this quote:
Money "has not been my motivation," she {McGee} said. "It's been about moving this institution ahead."
Ann McGee is a fucking liar. How could this decision be about anything other than money? If Ann “All About Me” McGee is so valuable to the institution then how does she help move it ahead by retiring for a month?
Seminole State College President E. Ann McGee is retiring next month, but hang on to that congratulatory card.
She'll be back — four weeks later.
College trustees have approved McGee's request to retire for the month of December, then resume her job at the rapidly growing Sanford-based college in January. That will allow her to grab a potentially big payout in state retirement benefits.
Whatever. If this were the entire story, I wouldn’t have even mentioned it. But check out this quote:
Money "has not been my motivation," she {McGee} said. "It's been about moving this institution ahead."
Ann McGee is a fucking liar. How could this decision be about anything other than money? If Ann “All About Me” McGee is so valuable to the institution then how does she help move it ahead by retiring for a month?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It’s Over, Johnny
Adidas ended their three million dollar relationship with UCF because UCF promised Michael Jordan’s son that he could wear Nike. UCF thought it would be cool because low level representatives for adidas said it was cool.
Now it may be that Nike offers to sponsor UCF. No harm no foul. Even if that happens, however, it doesn’t change a simple reality: The people that run UCF are fuck ups.
Consider:
UCF couldn’t afford to put a nice stadium on campus. So they paid a lot of money for a cheap stadium that they couldn’t fill up for last week’s nationally televised game. The people at ESPN tried to make it look full, but you can’t make lemonade out of piss.
UCF couldn’t afford a football coach who is both good and ethical. So, they decided to overlook ethics, not a problem for this crew, and hire an ethically disgraced coach they thought was good. Under O’Suckass, UCF has a losing record and, more importantly, did I mention that football attendance sucks? Turn on the radio and you are likely to hear a desperate commercial begging people to buy a ticket for a football game.
Did you ever meet someone who likes to buy junk because it’s kind of cool? You know, like a car with a good body but the engine is ten miles from falling out. That’s Hitt’s thing. He buys stuff that’s kind of cool, like bouncy stadiums or football coaches who were employed by Notre Dame for a whole week, but, of course, it’s crap – useless, space-wasting crap.
Hitt gets away with it because he’s got a sweet cushion. His cushion is fifty thousand students who all pay an athletic fee. They will have to keep paying more and more because Hitt has an ego the size of the sun.
Those extra athletic fee dollars mean a lot to students surviving on the Taco Bell value menu. Yet, it is clear they mean nothing to Hitt – he keeps using them to make one dumbass purchase after another.
Now it may be that Nike offers to sponsor UCF. No harm no foul. Even if that happens, however, it doesn’t change a simple reality: The people that run UCF are fuck ups.
Consider:
UCF couldn’t afford to put a nice stadium on campus. So they paid a lot of money for a cheap stadium that they couldn’t fill up for last week’s nationally televised game. The people at ESPN tried to make it look full, but you can’t make lemonade out of piss.
UCF couldn’t afford a football coach who is both good and ethical. So, they decided to overlook ethics, not a problem for this crew, and hire an ethically disgraced coach they thought was good. Under O’Suckass, UCF has a losing record and, more importantly, did I mention that football attendance sucks? Turn on the radio and you are likely to hear a desperate commercial begging people to buy a ticket for a football game.
Did you ever meet someone who likes to buy junk because it’s kind of cool? You know, like a car with a good body but the engine is ten miles from falling out. That’s Hitt’s thing. He buys stuff that’s kind of cool, like bouncy stadiums or football coaches who were employed by Notre Dame for a whole week, but, of course, it’s crap – useless, space-wasting crap.
Hitt gets away with it because he’s got a sweet cushion. His cushion is fifty thousand students who all pay an athletic fee. They will have to keep paying more and more because Hitt has an ego the size of the sun.
Those extra athletic fee dollars mean a lot to students surviving on the Taco Bell value menu. Yet, it is clear they mean nothing to Hitt – he keeps using them to make one dumbass purchase after another.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
A Challenge
Regarding the shoe controversy, a reader observes, “I'm waiting for the inevitable, ‘We did everything right, as always’ statement from John Hitt.”
Has Hitt ever admitted to making a mistake? I’m not talking about blaming a subordinate. I’m talking about admitting to an error in judgment. I don’t think he has.
If any reader can provide a documented example of Hitt admitting he erred, then I’ll be happy to publish it and state that I was wrong.
By the way, I have twice admitted to errors (see here and here).
Has Hitt ever admitted to making a mistake? I’m not talking about blaming a subordinate. I’m talking about admitting to an error in judgment. I don’t think he has.
If any reader can provide a documented example of Hitt admitting he erred, then I’ll be happy to publish it and state that I was wrong.
By the way, I have twice admitted to errors (see here and here).
It is Expensive to be Stupid
There is a myth that UCF administrators have a lot of business acumen. The empirical evidence just doesn’t support this notion. From the Orlando Sentinel:
A pair of shoes could end up costing the University of Central Florida nearly $3 million.
UCF promised Marcus Jordan, son of NBA legend Michael Jordan, that he could wear his father's Nike Air Jordan brand for the Knights' basketball team this season.
The problem? UCF has an exclusive $3 million six-year contract with adidas that requires all coaches and athletes to use the company's shoes, apparel and game equipment.
And now UCF and adidas are at an impasse, leaving an 18-year-old freshman with a famous father caught in middle.
A good businessperson is able to anticipate the consequences of a decision. Even if this gets resolved, it should have never gotten to the point of being played out in the media.
A pair of shoes could end up costing the University of Central Florida nearly $3 million.
UCF promised Marcus Jordan, son of NBA legend Michael Jordan, that he could wear his father's Nike Air Jordan brand for the Knights' basketball team this season.
The problem? UCF has an exclusive $3 million six-year contract with adidas that requires all coaches and athletes to use the company's shoes, apparel and game equipment.
And now UCF and adidas are at an impasse, leaving an 18-year-old freshman with a famous father caught in middle.
A good businessperson is able to anticipate the consequences of a decision. Even if this gets resolved, it should have never gotten to the point of being played out in the media.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Off Topic
Because I’ve developed a readership, I am sometimes tempted to spout off about a variety of things, but I make an effort to stick to the theme of this blog. Still…I’m going to break the rule. From the Orlando Sentinel:
Sophomore Rob Calabrese, who has battled nerves this season, played in relief of Hodges and was booed by fans late in the third quarter.
Booing an amateur athlete is despicable. I guarantee you that this student is a better quarterback than any of the people booing.
Sophomore Rob Calabrese, who has battled nerves this season, played in relief of Hodges and was booed by fans late in the third quarter.
Booing an amateur athlete is despicable. I guarantee you that this student is a better quarterback than any of the people booing.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Certainly Sounds Like UCF
There is a rumor that the UCF foundation has a fundraising priority this year: money for raises for the President and the VPs.
Readers may find it hard to believe, but I want to see the best in people. I hope this isn’t true.
Readers may find it hard to believe, but I want to see the best in people. I hope this isn’t true.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Prima Donna
This is really on UCF’s Institutional Research web page:
Total # of Degrees Awarded
194,733
Total # of Degrees Awarded
by President Hitt
139,362
Did Hitt request that they make this distinction or is this apple polishing on the part of IR? My guess is the former.
Total # of Degrees Awarded
194,733
Total # of Degrees Awarded
by President Hitt
139,362
Did Hitt request that they make this distinction or is this apple polishing on the part of IR? My guess is the former.
UCF – 194,733 Served*
UCF is the now the biggest university in Florida and the third largest in the country. From President Hitt:
Growth is a part of who we are at the University of Central Florida. Growth, and the change that comes with it, is woven into our university’s DNA.
Ask our students why they came to UCF. It isn’t to stay the same. They came here to grow, to change and to better themselves.
Our university embraces the opportunities and challenges that come with strategic growth, and we welcome students who share our passion for improvement.
As a reader points out:
An atrocious example of equivocation:
growth = improvement
growth = getting bigger
By this logic, my weight has "improved" because I put on 10 pounds! Now I can embrace the opportunity to buy bigger pants and the challenges of heart disease and diabetes!
* Number of degrees awarded by UCF since 1968
Growth is a part of who we are at the University of Central Florida. Growth, and the change that comes with it, is woven into our university’s DNA.
Ask our students why they came to UCF. It isn’t to stay the same. They came here to grow, to change and to better themselves.
Our university embraces the opportunities and challenges that come with strategic growth, and we welcome students who share our passion for improvement.
As a reader points out:
An atrocious example of equivocation:
growth = improvement
growth = getting bigger
By this logic, my weight has "improved" because I put on 10 pounds! Now I can embrace the opportunity to buy bigger pants and the challenges of heart disease and diabetes!
* Number of degrees awarded by UCF since 1968
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
And Hitt will be Santa*
People are justifiably happy about this so I hate to shit on it, but the inconsistency is just too much. From John Hitt:
In light of these successes, I am recommending four paid university holidays for eligible employees from December 28 to 31. These days will be in addition to normal state holidays on Christmas (December 25) and New Year’s Day (January 1). Please talk with your supervisor for more details about how this applies to you.
Earlier this year, because of budget cuts, Hitt was threatening employees with mandatory furloughs. Now, he is giving away free vacation time. Hitt is like one of those horrible parents that loves you in one moment and hates you the next. One moment he’s pawning your bicycle (a metaphor for academic department cuts and threatened furloughs) and the next he’s giving you a PlayStation 3 (a metaphor for the extra vacation time).
* Thanks to a reader for pointing out Hitt’s inconsistency and for the title of this post.
In light of these successes, I am recommending four paid university holidays for eligible employees from December 28 to 31. These days will be in addition to normal state holidays on Christmas (December 25) and New Year’s Day (January 1). Please talk with your supervisor for more details about how this applies to you.
Earlier this year, because of budget cuts, Hitt was threatening employees with mandatory furloughs. Now, he is giving away free vacation time. Hitt is like one of those horrible parents that loves you in one moment and hates you the next. One moment he’s pawning your bicycle (a metaphor for academic department cuts and threatened furloughs) and the next he’s giving you a PlayStation 3 (a metaphor for the extra vacation time).
* Thanks to a reader for pointing out Hitt’s inconsistency and for the title of this post.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Question of the Day
From a reader:
Are you working on a Halloween column? What do monsters dream of wearing on Halloween – Hickey tall and witty and admired? A combo Hugh Grant/Gordon Gee.
Are you working on a Halloween column? What do monsters dream of wearing on Halloween – Hickey tall and witty and admired? A combo Hugh Grant/Gordon Gee.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Don’t Fall Taking the Stairs
Here are the two recurring themes in the email from last week.
First, nine-month faculty were temporarily dropped from their health insurance. At least the reason makes a lot of sense:
The Benefits Team wanted to make you aware of an issue with your insurance record. Due to a computer glitch, premiums for October coverage are posting to September, therefore your coverage has been temporarily suspended.
Second, the elevator in Colbourn Hall smells like urine because…well…people piss in it.
First, nine-month faculty were temporarily dropped from their health insurance. At least the reason makes a lot of sense:
The Benefits Team wanted to make you aware of an issue with your insurance record. Due to a computer glitch, premiums for October coverage are posting to September, therefore your coverage has been temporarily suspended.
Second, the elevator in Colbourn Hall smells like urine because…well…people piss in it.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
John Hitt, Sports Entrepreneur of the Year
Football attendance continues to decline. UCF is stuck with an expensive coach who is unable to win games or, more importantly, get people to buy tickets. In the next few years, the UCF Athletics Association will probably get hit with a large civil judgment. If UCFAA were a stock, I would be shorting the hell out of it.
It is fun to spend other people’s money, and Hitt clearly enjoyed attempting to make the leap into big-time football. He got to buy coaches, facilities, and a stadium. It was a free roll for Hitt. The costly failures of the football program will be covered by students through an increase in the athletic fee.
I’ll see you all at the Memphis game. I’ll be tailgating by VAB and dancing around in a Knightro helmet.
It is fun to spend other people’s money, and Hitt clearly enjoyed attempting to make the leap into big-time football. He got to buy coaches, facilities, and a stadium. It was a free roll for Hitt. The costly failures of the football program will be covered by students through an increase in the athletic fee.
I’ll see you all at the Memphis game. I’ll be tailgating by VAB and dancing around in a Knightro helmet.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Death of a Pegasus Model
For the last few years, several college deans have pressured Hitt and Hickey to abandon the Pegasus Model (for an explanation of problems with the model, see here). Apparently, they have relented and agreed to replace it with something that might work.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Universal Collegiate Factory
This was submitted by a reader. It’s funny:
Good afternoon and welcome to the orientation session of this section of General Education Prep 2100, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory where our motto is "You pack 'em in, we stamp 'em out." I'm Sue, your credit facilitator.
We hope our little optional attendance introduction won't take up too much of your time today. We know you have many other more important things to do than spend time at your degree program shopping site. Indeed, the Factory has asked us to remind you that on campus parking will be unavailable for customers and staff this afternoon due to the first annual [Your Corporate Logo Here] Tired Old Rock Band Festival down at the Commencement Center. Tickets are $50 and, as always, the Factory accepts all forms of payment.
This term you will be asked to complete a few minor tasks to insure that you obtain the credit you need toward your workplace approved certificate of completion formerly known as a college degree. You should not concern yourselves too much about this. This course is designed to be of the least inconvenience to your consumer lifestyles. All lectures will be available 24 hours a day. All quizzes will be multiple guess with two chances provided to take the quiz allowing you to simply look up the answers after the first round without having to be bothered with reading the material. It is, however, important that you take all the quizzes since without those numbers our upper management in Tallahassee can't be assured that you are actually learning. Please try to keep our bureaucrats happy, folks, and keep our budgets uncut.
Textbooks are always optional as is attendance at classes which still actually hold classroom meetings. As you know, there is unlimited enrollment available in our online sections here at the Factory where it's All Online, All The Time. Online sections are designed solely for the student's convenience allowing them to complete the few minor requirements for attaining credit on their own schedule. And remember, online classes are always easier because the computer does all the work for you. No need to ever miss work at your full-time job, take precious time away from your family life or curtail your social life while here at the Factory. Which reminds me that we've been asked to announce that tickets to home football games are still available. All games begin at noon with binge drinking and trashing of campus beginning at 5 p.m. the eve of games.
Should you have any questions about this course, wish to challenge your wrong answers on quizzes or simply demand your final grade be upgraded, remember that your credit facilitators are always on call 24 hours by email. In person meetings with credit facilitators and their managers, formerly department chairs, can always be arranged at the customer's convenience.
We hope this orientation has been helpful. Don't forget to go to the online Credit Facilitator Evaluation site to offer your always helpful evaluations and suggestions regarding this session. Without your numbers and comments, we can't continue to keep our paying customers satisfied. And remember, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory, we're glad you - and your money - are here!
Good afternoon and welcome to the orientation session of this section of General Education Prep 2100, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory where our motto is "You pack 'em in, we stamp 'em out." I'm Sue, your credit facilitator.
We hope our little optional attendance introduction won't take up too much of your time today. We know you have many other more important things to do than spend time at your degree program shopping site. Indeed, the Factory has asked us to remind you that on campus parking will be unavailable for customers and staff this afternoon due to the first annual [Your Corporate Logo Here] Tired Old Rock Band Festival down at the Commencement Center. Tickets are $50 and, as always, the Factory accepts all forms of payment.
This term you will be asked to complete a few minor tasks to insure that you obtain the credit you need toward your workplace approved certificate of completion formerly known as a college degree. You should not concern yourselves too much about this. This course is designed to be of the least inconvenience to your consumer lifestyles. All lectures will be available 24 hours a day. All quizzes will be multiple guess with two chances provided to take the quiz allowing you to simply look up the answers after the first round without having to be bothered with reading the material. It is, however, important that you take all the quizzes since without those numbers our upper management in Tallahassee can't be assured that you are actually learning. Please try to keep our bureaucrats happy, folks, and keep our budgets uncut.
Textbooks are always optional as is attendance at classes which still actually hold classroom meetings. As you know, there is unlimited enrollment available in our online sections here at the Factory where it's All Online, All The Time. Online sections are designed solely for the student's convenience allowing them to complete the few minor requirements for attaining credit on their own schedule. And remember, online classes are always easier because the computer does all the work for you. No need to ever miss work at your full-time job, take precious time away from your family life or curtail your social life while here at the Factory. Which reminds me that we've been asked to announce that tickets to home football games are still available. All games begin at noon with binge drinking and trashing of campus beginning at 5 p.m. the eve of games.
Should you have any questions about this course, wish to challenge your wrong answers on quizzes or simply demand your final grade be upgraded, remember that your credit facilitators are always on call 24 hours by email. In person meetings with credit facilitators and their managers, formerly department chairs, can always be arranged at the customer's convenience.
We hope this orientation has been helpful. Don't forget to go to the online Credit Facilitator Evaluation site to offer your always helpful evaluations and suggestions regarding this session. Without your numbers and comments, we can't continue to keep our paying customers satisfied. And remember, here at the Universal Collegiate Factory, we're glad you - and your money - are here!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Loathe Hitt and Hickey Instead
From a reader:
As a lowly UCF program assistant, I cringe reading every "Cut of the Day" post since I'm so intimately familiar with the PhD boneheads working in my own department. The sheer wastefulness of my own position almost makes me loathe myself as I spend a good 6-7 hours a day occupying myself on Facebook and literally praying that someone will pass on a menial task so at least I can get some form of exercise walking to and from the copy machine.
I've been at UCF for 3 years too long, surrounded by UCF lemmings and felt so alone in my distaste for so many UCF practices. This school has so much potential but constantly takes one tiny step forward, 3 steps back.
I'm rambling but my point is this - I'm so glad to have discovered someone who can intelligently discuss these topics in such an amusing way. And the worst/great thing about it is, you're so accurate!
As a lowly UCF program assistant, I cringe reading every "Cut of the Day" post since I'm so intimately familiar with the PhD boneheads working in my own department. The sheer wastefulness of my own position almost makes me loathe myself as I spend a good 6-7 hours a day occupying myself on Facebook and literally praying that someone will pass on a menial task so at least I can get some form of exercise walking to and from the copy machine.
I've been at UCF for 3 years too long, surrounded by UCF lemmings and felt so alone in my distaste for so many UCF practices. This school has so much potential but constantly takes one tiny step forward, 3 steps back.
I'm rambling but my point is this - I'm so glad to have discovered someone who can intelligently discuss these topics in such an amusing way. And the worst/great thing about it is, you're so accurate!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Aristotelian Logic
From Knight News (emphasis mine):
UCF President John Hitt hosted an open forum in the Student Union’s Key West Ballroom at 11:30 a.m. Monday morning for UCF students to ask any questions they may have.
But despite clearing 1 ½ hours of his schedule and sending a campus-wide e-mail invitation out last week, only two students came to ask questions, so the forum adjourned about 15 minutes after it started.
After the forum adjourned, KnightNews.com conducted an exclusive interview with President Hitt to ask what he thought about the meeting.
Although he commented that the forums usually last longer, he was not completely surprised to see how quickly it ended. He elaborated on this claim by saying that very few questions indicate students’ contentment with how the University is run.
UCF President John Hitt hosted an open forum in the Student Union’s Key West Ballroom at 11:30 a.m. Monday morning for UCF students to ask any questions they may have.
But despite clearing 1 ½ hours of his schedule and sending a campus-wide e-mail invitation out last week, only two students came to ask questions, so the forum adjourned about 15 minutes after it started.
After the forum adjourned, KnightNews.com conducted an exclusive interview with President Hitt to ask what he thought about the meeting.
Although he commented that the forums usually last longer, he was not completely surprised to see how quickly it ended. He elaborated on this claim by saying that very few questions indicate students’ contentment with how the University is run.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Help Wanted
Is anyone interested in being a copy editor for this blog? It’s unpaid, but I’ll give you a fancy title like “Associate Vice President for Copy Editing and Internationalization.” Don’t worry, even if you suck at proof reading you can keep your title, and I’ll just find someone else to do the work.
If you are interested, send an email.
If you are interested, send an email.
Friday, September 18, 2009
95 Theses
From the Provost (emphasis mine):
This fall the University of Central Florida is introducing a new potential conflict of interest and commitment system for full-time benefits-accruing faculty. You will receive an e-mail notification on September 21, 2009, prompting you to complete your Potential Outside Activity/Employment and Conflict of Interest/Commitment Faculty Report (AA-21). Directions for completing this report will accompany the e-mail as will a list of recommended items to have available at the time you begin your submission.
The new reporting system is designed to better assist faculty with reporting potential conflicts related to outside activities. Faculty should make certain that any outside activities they are involved in do not create a conflict of interest or undermine the confidence that the public has in the university.
If you are going to threaten someone, make sure it’s veiled. Oh Terry, you are just a sinister little fucker, aren’t you? Why do you hate dissent so much? Are you that insecure? Do you know why this blog is rude particularly towards you and John? Because you and Johnny see dissent as an excommunicable offense. You don’t punish incompetence. You don’t punish waste. You don’t punish fraud. But if someone doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid and tell you how great your “vision” is then you do everything within your power to fuck them over.
Well, fuck you, Terry. I don’t want your Kool-Aid. And I don’t want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF. I want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF’s current leadership. That includes you, asshole.
What would the public see if they looked hard at what Hitt and to a lesser extent you have done? They would see a school where most get good grades. These good grades are not earned but the result of the tremendous pressure you and John have put on departments to increase graduates and student credit hours.
If the public kept looking what else would they see? They would see leadership that treats debate as an opportunity to lie. They would see highly paid administrators that serve no purpose. They would see ethical failures.
Right now the public is apathetic towards UCF. If they looked hard, they would be disgusted. You are afraid of that, aren’t you?
This fall the University of Central Florida is introducing a new potential conflict of interest and commitment system for full-time benefits-accruing faculty. You will receive an e-mail notification on September 21, 2009, prompting you to complete your Potential Outside Activity/Employment and Conflict of Interest/Commitment Faculty Report (AA-21). Directions for completing this report will accompany the e-mail as will a list of recommended items to have available at the time you begin your submission.
The new reporting system is designed to better assist faculty with reporting potential conflicts related to outside activities. Faculty should make certain that any outside activities they are involved in do not create a conflict of interest or undermine the confidence that the public has in the university.
If you are going to threaten someone, make sure it’s veiled. Oh Terry, you are just a sinister little fucker, aren’t you? Why do you hate dissent so much? Are you that insecure? Do you know why this blog is rude particularly towards you and John? Because you and Johnny see dissent as an excommunicable offense. You don’t punish incompetence. You don’t punish waste. You don’t punish fraud. But if someone doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid and tell you how great your “vision” is then you do everything within your power to fuck them over.
Well, fuck you, Terry. I don’t want your Kool-Aid. And I don’t want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF. I want to undermine the public’s confidence in UCF’s current leadership. That includes you, asshole.
What would the public see if they looked hard at what Hitt and to a lesser extent you have done? They would see a school where most get good grades. These good grades are not earned but the result of the tremendous pressure you and John have put on departments to increase graduates and student credit hours.
If the public kept looking what else would they see? They would see leadership that treats debate as an opportunity to lie. They would see highly paid administrators that serve no purpose. They would see ethical failures.
Right now the public is apathetic towards UCF. If they looked hard, they would be disgusted. You are afraid of that, aren’t you?
Saturday, September 5, 2009
It Could be Different
From the News and Observer:
After a News & Observer report showed dramatic and disturbing growth in administrative jobs (associate vice chancellors, assistant provosts, etc.), Bowles sent an e-mail to chancellors characterizing the situation as "an absolute embarrassment." He directed that budget reductions start at the top, and emphasized in meetings with chancellors of UNC schools that most budget cuts will be made at the middle-management level.
Thanks to a couple of readers for passing this along.
After a News & Observer report showed dramatic and disturbing growth in administrative jobs (associate vice chancellors, assistant provosts, etc.), Bowles sent an e-mail to chancellors characterizing the situation as "an absolute embarrassment." He directed that budget reductions start at the top, and emphasized in meetings with chancellors of UNC schools that most budget cuts will be made at the middle-management level.
Thanks to a couple of readers for passing this along.
Monday, August 31, 2009
New A&P Opening: Assistant Vice President for Comedy
Word on the street is that President Hitt in a speech to new faculty said that the President’s job is "to provide football for alumni, parking spaces for faculty, and sex for students.” He then went on to say that he felt comfortable with the first two but was going to stay away from the last.
Setting aside for a moment that this joke isn’t workplace appropriate, it isn’t funny. So, as an olive branch, I’d like to offer John some workplace inappropriate jokes that are funny. If you have ever been offended by anything in your life, please stop reading.
Workplace Inappropriate Jokes for President Hitt:
I’m considered a real stud around campus. I’ve fucked more students than differential tuition.
What’s the difference between Ken Adams and a box of shit? The Box.
The university’s strategic planning meetings are more useless than tits on a nun.
What’s the difference between an Iranian election and a BOT vote? You never know how an Iranian election might turn out.
I’d like to introduce you all to Provost Hickey. The good thing about him is that he is so short that when he blows me he doesn’t have to get on his knees.
Setting aside for a moment that this joke isn’t workplace appropriate, it isn’t funny. So, as an olive branch, I’d like to offer John some workplace inappropriate jokes that are funny. If you have ever been offended by anything in your life, please stop reading.
Workplace Inappropriate Jokes for President Hitt:
I’m considered a real stud around campus. I’ve fucked more students than differential tuition.
What’s the difference between Ken Adams and a box of shit? The Box.
The university’s strategic planning meetings are more useless than tits on a nun.
What’s the difference between an Iranian election and a BOT vote? You never know how an Iranian election might turn out.
I’d like to introduce you all to Provost Hickey. The good thing about him is that he is so short that when he blows me he doesn’t have to get on his knees.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Hitt and Nixon
Regarding my post about Hitt being noble, a reader urges Hitt to learn from Richard Nixon:
It's reminiscent of Nixon, who said in the David Frost interviews that his (Nixon's) main problem was being too soft-hearted and not firing people immediately.
"As far as the handling of this matter is concerned, it was so botched up, I made so many bad judgments. The worst ones mistakes of the heart rather than mistakes of the head, as I pointed out, but let me say a man in that top judge job, he's got to have a heart, but his head must always rule his heart."
It's reminiscent of Nixon, who said in the David Frost interviews that his (Nixon's) main problem was being too soft-hearted and not firing people immediately.
"As far as the handling of this matter is concerned, it was so botched up, I made so many bad judgments. The worst ones mistakes of the heart rather than mistakes of the head, as I pointed out, but let me say a man in that top judge job, he's got to have a heart, but his head must always rule his heart."
Thursday, August 27, 2009
John Hitt, a Noble Man?
From Sentinel columnist Mike Thomas (emphasis mine):
Hitt should expedite the settlement. He should apologize to the family and apologize to UCF alumni.
And then he should fire Tribble, O'Leary and whoever was the top official at the athletics department who knew of Plancher's condition.
But don't expect that to happen. In an interview Wednesday, Hitt says he plans no shake-ups.
"I don't believe he has deliberately misled us," Hitt says of Tribble. "I think he got information from a variety of sources, and it didn't make us look good because some of it turned out not to be true.
"The record I built here and the record I want to be remembered for is that I do things the right way," he continued. "I won't be swayed by public opinion to take action just because it's convenient. I don't hang people out to dry for no reason."
That's a noble sentiment from a noble man. Unfortunately, though, his athletics department is hanging the university out to dry.
The sentiment wasn’t noble, it was self-preservation. If Hitt admits the obvious and fires O’Leary or Tribble, then Hitt will be implicitly admitting that he screwed up in hiring them – Hitt is not someone who takes blame and admits mistakes.
Hitt isn’t a “noble man.” He is petty, corrupt, and duplicitous – all characteristics inconsistent with nobility. But setting that aside, what characteristics does Hitt possess that are consistent with being noble? I’m sincerely trying to think of one thing that Hitt has done that could be interpreted as noble, and I can’t do it.
Thomas must have thrown in that nobility bullshit to soften the blow of a fairly devastating essay.
Hitt should expedite the settlement. He should apologize to the family and apologize to UCF alumni.
And then he should fire Tribble, O'Leary and whoever was the top official at the athletics department who knew of Plancher's condition.
But don't expect that to happen. In an interview Wednesday, Hitt says he plans no shake-ups.
"I don't believe he has deliberately misled us," Hitt says of Tribble. "I think he got information from a variety of sources, and it didn't make us look good because some of it turned out not to be true.
"The record I built here and the record I want to be remembered for is that I do things the right way," he continued. "I won't be swayed by public opinion to take action just because it's convenient. I don't hang people out to dry for no reason."
That's a noble sentiment from a noble man. Unfortunately, though, his athletics department is hanging the university out to dry.
The sentiment wasn’t noble, it was self-preservation. If Hitt admits the obvious and fires O’Leary or Tribble, then Hitt will be implicitly admitting that he screwed up in hiring them – Hitt is not someone who takes blame and admits mistakes.
Hitt isn’t a “noble man.” He is petty, corrupt, and duplicitous – all characteristics inconsistent with nobility. But setting that aside, what characteristics does Hitt possess that are consistent with being noble? I’m sincerely trying to think of one thing that Hitt has done that could be interpreted as noble, and I can’t do it.
Thomas must have thrown in that nobility bullshit to soften the blow of a fairly devastating essay.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Incompetence isn’t Free
Because it is so heartbreaking, I’ve tried to stay away from the Erik Plancher story. He is a UCF football player who passed away during a practice. UCF is being sued by the Plancher family for negligence.
However, I want to draw attention to this story because it demonstrates how bad UCF is at PR. From the article:
The sworn statements of two assistant coaches contradict the school's long-held stance that all staff members were aware of the football player's medical history and monitored him closely during every workout.
This kind of PR fuck up has happened more than once. Since Plancher’s death, UCF has made multiple statements to the media that have turned out to be false. Here’s PR genius Grant Heston’s comment to the Sentinel:
"Coaching staff and trainers acted appropriately at all times in connection with the workout," UCF spokesman Grant Heston said Tuesday. "While it remains university policy not to discuss specifics about the ongoing lawsuit, let me say that all public comment is based on the best information we have available at the time."
Translation: we are not liars, just incompetent. Heston is really earning that 91K a year. UCF’s solution to this PR problem will probably be to hire more PR people without firing the incompetent employees.
However, I want to draw attention to this story because it demonstrates how bad UCF is at PR. From the article:
The sworn statements of two assistant coaches contradict the school's long-held stance that all staff members were aware of the football player's medical history and monitored him closely during every workout.
This kind of PR fuck up has happened more than once. Since Plancher’s death, UCF has made multiple statements to the media that have turned out to be false. Here’s PR genius Grant Heston’s comment to the Sentinel:
"Coaching staff and trainers acted appropriately at all times in connection with the workout," UCF spokesman Grant Heston said Tuesday. "While it remains university policy not to discuss specifics about the ongoing lawsuit, let me say that all public comment is based on the best information we have available at the time."
Translation: we are not liars, just incompetent. Heston is really earning that 91K a year. UCF’s solution to this PR problem will probably be to hire more PR people without firing the incompetent employees.
If You’re Bored…
Go watch video of Vice Admiral Harms getting punked out by UCF fans angry over changes to the tailgating policy.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Anonymity
I recently read a story about anonymous bloggers, and I thought I would share my thoughts on anonymity.
It may come as a surprise that the anonymity of this blog limits what I publish. There is a lot of material that doesn’t make it to the web because I feel it is the type of thing that should only be said when someone is willing to take ownership for it. The items I print are common knowledge among UCF employees. Most of my conclusions are not particularly controversial – obviously the people getting slammed and their friends disagree, but in most cases they are the only ones.
Anonymity also restrains the severity of my individual critiques. When I am critical of an individual, I try to see things from their point of view. It may be that my perspective is distorted, but I would be okay with being cited in this blog. For example if I were Karen Jans, I wouldn’t like what was written about me, but I could understand it; I would figure it was a small sacrifice to make for an unbelievable reward.
To digress briefly, most of the people who have made the cut of the day seem nice and are probably good to their family and friends; some of them I genuinely like. I do the cut of the day because stating in the abstract that UCF has worthless employees is not as convincing as actually listing employees, salaries, and responsibilities such as they are. I once expressed my remorse over a particular cut of the day to one of my favorite correspondents, and this person worried that I was “going all warm and fuzzy.”
If my identity were to become widely known, it would free me up to say much more, and I could write with a greater level of detail about my experiences with UCF. Additionally, as I had a very nice correspondent point out, if I reveal my identity then it could give much more credibility to my conclusions. Of course, if my personal characteristics suggest that I’m a crazy malcontent then it would have been a mistake to reveal myself.
When it feels right I will announce who I am. That this announcement will one day happen may provide comfort to those who are falsely suspected of being Arthur Barnhouse.
Although it is fun to write this blog, I do it for a more serious reason. It is written like a foul-mouthed, fifth grade slam book to draw attention to the reality that UCF is at a crossroads. There are two choices: Either UCF can become an enrollment juggernaut with lots of buildings and Assistant Vice Presidents for Wasting Tax Dollars, or UCF can become a serious place of learning that provides meaningful credentials. It is not possible to do both.
It may come as a surprise that the anonymity of this blog limits what I publish. There is a lot of material that doesn’t make it to the web because I feel it is the type of thing that should only be said when someone is willing to take ownership for it. The items I print are common knowledge among UCF employees. Most of my conclusions are not particularly controversial – obviously the people getting slammed and their friends disagree, but in most cases they are the only ones.
Anonymity also restrains the severity of my individual critiques. When I am critical of an individual, I try to see things from their point of view. It may be that my perspective is distorted, but I would be okay with being cited in this blog. For example if I were Karen Jans, I wouldn’t like what was written about me, but I could understand it; I would figure it was a small sacrifice to make for an unbelievable reward.
To digress briefly, most of the people who have made the cut of the day seem nice and are probably good to their family and friends; some of them I genuinely like. I do the cut of the day because stating in the abstract that UCF has worthless employees is not as convincing as actually listing employees, salaries, and responsibilities such as they are. I once expressed my remorse over a particular cut of the day to one of my favorite correspondents, and this person worried that I was “going all warm and fuzzy.”
If my identity were to become widely known, it would free me up to say much more, and I could write with a greater level of detail about my experiences with UCF. Additionally, as I had a very nice correspondent point out, if I reveal my identity then it could give much more credibility to my conclusions. Of course, if my personal characteristics suggest that I’m a crazy malcontent then it would have been a mistake to reveal myself.
When it feels right I will announce who I am. That this announcement will one day happen may provide comfort to those who are falsely suspected of being Arthur Barnhouse.
Although it is fun to write this blog, I do it for a more serious reason. It is written like a foul-mouthed, fifth grade slam book to draw attention to the reality that UCF is at a crossroads. There are two choices: Either UCF can become an enrollment juggernaut with lots of buildings and Assistant Vice Presidents for Wasting Tax Dollars, or UCF can become a serious place of learning that provides meaningful credentials. It is not possible to do both.
Friday, August 21, 2009
UCF Loves Cherry Picking Statistics
In a memo to the UCF community, Sandy Cherepow, Hitt’s senior administrative assistant, submits:
As we prepare to begin a new academic year, I am delighted to share good news with you. This years U.S. News & World Report's "America's Best Colleges" guide lauds UCF as a top 5 national university to watch.
This category recognizes national universities that "have recently made the most promising and innovative changes in academics, faculty, students, campus or facilities. UCF, which ranked No. 7 on the list last year, is the only Florida school listed in the category "Top Up-and-Coming Schools."
UCF was voted into this category by our peers from around the country - a testament to our academic, research and partnership reputation.
This is a much better description of the results (from a friend of a reader):
Not surprising, but the lead of this press release is quite misleading. UCF is not a "top 5 national university to watch." UCF is listed as #5 on the list of universities to watch. We're in the "top 5" of unranked, unremarkable universities that may or may not have potential some day to move up from the third tier.
As we prepare to begin a new academic year, I am delighted to share good news with you. This years U.S. News & World Report's "America's Best Colleges" guide lauds UCF as a top 5 national university to watch.
This category recognizes national universities that "have recently made the most promising and innovative changes in academics, faculty, students, campus or facilities. UCF, which ranked No. 7 on the list last year, is the only Florida school listed in the category "Top Up-and-Coming Schools."
UCF was voted into this category by our peers from around the country - a testament to our academic, research and partnership reputation.
This is a much better description of the results (from a friend of a reader):
Not surprising, but the lead of this press release is quite misleading. UCF is not a "top 5 national university to watch." UCF is listed as #5 on the list of universities to watch. We're in the "top 5" of unranked, unremarkable universities that may or may not have potential some day to move up from the third tier.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
UCF PR Could Fuck Up a Wet Dream
Despite spending too much money on public relations, UCF often gets bad press. Two recent examples:
UCF recently reduced tailgating hours, and based on the coverage in the Sentinel, it appears that many donors are pissed off and thinking about no longer supporting the program. If UCF were good at PR, they would have figured out how to persuade the boosters to support this reasonable policy change.
The second example is more important. Forbes magazine recently ranked all the colleges in the country. UCF came in 475th. I get that UCF is going to get beat by FSU and UF, but UCF lost to Florida Southern University and Eckerd College. Florida Southern and Eckerd!? UCF sucks in so many ways, but it is much better than either of those schools. It is a public relations failure that UCF got beat by colleges that cater to rich kids with poor high school records.
UCF recently reduced tailgating hours, and based on the coverage in the Sentinel, it appears that many donors are pissed off and thinking about no longer supporting the program. If UCF were good at PR, they would have figured out how to persuade the boosters to support this reasonable policy change.
The second example is more important. Forbes magazine recently ranked all the colleges in the country. UCF came in 475th. I get that UCF is going to get beat by FSU and UF, but UCF lost to Florida Southern University and Eckerd College. Florida Southern and Eckerd!? UCF sucks in so many ways, but it is much better than either of those schools. It is a public relations failure that UCF got beat by colleges that cater to rich kids with poor high school records.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Folsom Prison Blues
From the Sentinel (emphasis mine):
FSU grad student Justin de la Cruz is spearheading a campaign to replace outgoing President T.K. Wetherell with rapper T-Pain, the Tallahassee Democrat reports.
A Facebook page for the "cam-pain" was pushing toward 1,800 members tonight. UPDATE: 2,400 members as of this afternoon.
T-Pain is a Tallahassee native. He's endorsed the movement though his own Facebook page, according to the newspaper.
The newspaper got this response from Wetherell, a former House speaker stepping down after six years at the helm at FSU: "I'm more a Toby Keith, Johnny Cash guy. I don't know what a T-Pain is. Can he lobby the Legislature? That's all I want to know."
Hey T.K., I think Jack Abramoff should succeed you. I know he has that little felony problem, but a felony conviction didn’t keep your brother from becoming a Provost at Daytona State College.
Florida’s universities will never have any respect if they continue to be run by lobbyists/politicians.
FSU grad student Justin de la Cruz is spearheading a campaign to replace outgoing President T.K. Wetherell with rapper T-Pain, the Tallahassee Democrat reports.
A Facebook page for the "cam-pain" was pushing toward 1,800 members tonight. UPDATE: 2,400 members as of this afternoon.
T-Pain is a Tallahassee native. He's endorsed the movement though his own Facebook page, according to the newspaper.
The newspaper got this response from Wetherell, a former House speaker stepping down after six years at the helm at FSU: "I'm more a Toby Keith, Johnny Cash guy. I don't know what a T-Pain is. Can he lobby the Legislature? That's all I want to know."
Hey T.K., I think Jack Abramoff should succeed you. I know he has that little felony problem, but a felony conviction didn’t keep your brother from becoming a Provost at Daytona State College.
Florida’s universities will never have any respect if they continue to be run by lobbyists/politicians.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Question of the Day
From a reader:
I attended UCF's graduation ceremony this weekend and was forced to sit for two hours and watch the various VP's and other functionaries smirk and pat each other on the back, while the D-List speaker (Orange County School Superintendent, Ronald Blocker) mouthed platitudes about leadership and quality education.
But, what I would like to know is this: was President Hitt's omission of Ida Cook's name while acknowledging the Very Important People on stage accidental, or was it a smackdown for voting against the BOT in the July 23rd meeting? He did go back and make a point of correcting the oversight later in the ceremony, but that only seemed more awkward and weird.
I attended UCF's graduation ceremony this weekend and was forced to sit for two hours and watch the various VP's and other functionaries smirk and pat each other on the back, while the D-List speaker (Orange County School Superintendent, Ronald Blocker) mouthed platitudes about leadership and quality education.
But, what I would like to know is this: was President Hitt's omission of Ida Cook's name while acknowledging the Very Important People on stage accidental, or was it a smackdown for voting against the BOT in the July 23rd meeting? He did go back and make a point of correcting the oversight later in the ceremony, but that only seemed more awkward and weird.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Eternal Recurrence
The first line of the movie Peter Pan is: All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again. Much has happened in the past couple of months.
Hitt and Hickey love their tiny slice of power. Both exude this false modesty that only serves to demonstrate their massive arrogance. Their decisions make sense in the context of their desire to keep and expand their power. Hitt and Hickey cut academic programs instead of cutting useless AVPs because the figurative rim job they get from AVPs is more important to them than academic programs.
There have been those who have tried to stop them. The faculty union has done an admirable job of refuting Hitt and Hickey’s nonsense. At times, the Orlando Sentinel and the Central Florida Future have done reporting and opinion pieces that have exposed the inanity of UCF.
Still, Hitt and Hickey get pretty much everything they want. Why? The first reason is ironic: They get what they want because in the larger context, they are unimportant. Most people in Central Florida don’t know who John Hitt is. Anonymity facilitates corruption.
The second reason is sad: Hitt and Hickey get away with it because most state funded colleges and universities are playing the same corrupt game.
All of this has happened, will it happen again? Probably. Frank Brogan was recently appointed the Chancellor of the State University System. He is a non-academic, career politician. He will make 400K a year to lobby the legislature to give the SUS more. He has neither the necessary understanding nor the motivation to repair the system. When Hitt is gone, is it likely his replacement will be someone who is more interested in academic quality than acquiring more employees and constructing more buildings? The rubber stamps on the UCF Board of Trustees will certainly not be looking for this kind of leader.
The future is bleak but there is hope. The internet. Before the internet, it would have been impossible to get the message out about UCF. No newspaper would have printed the factually sound arguments that I make in this blog (e.g., UCF lacks academic rigor; UCF wastes money; John Hitt bribed Evelyn Lynn; David Mealor is a thief; Terry Hickey is short). If UCF administrators are shamed enough, hopefully they will shift their priorities from money to academic quality.
Hitt and Hickey love their tiny slice of power. Both exude this false modesty that only serves to demonstrate their massive arrogance. Their decisions make sense in the context of their desire to keep and expand their power. Hitt and Hickey cut academic programs instead of cutting useless AVPs because the figurative rim job they get from AVPs is more important to them than academic programs.
There have been those who have tried to stop them. The faculty union has done an admirable job of refuting Hitt and Hickey’s nonsense. At times, the Orlando Sentinel and the Central Florida Future have done reporting and opinion pieces that have exposed the inanity of UCF.
Still, Hitt and Hickey get pretty much everything they want. Why? The first reason is ironic: They get what they want because in the larger context, they are unimportant. Most people in Central Florida don’t know who John Hitt is. Anonymity facilitates corruption.
The second reason is sad: Hitt and Hickey get away with it because most state funded colleges and universities are playing the same corrupt game.
All of this has happened, will it happen again? Probably. Frank Brogan was recently appointed the Chancellor of the State University System. He is a non-academic, career politician. He will make 400K a year to lobby the legislature to give the SUS more. He has neither the necessary understanding nor the motivation to repair the system. When Hitt is gone, is it likely his replacement will be someone who is more interested in academic quality than acquiring more employees and constructing more buildings? The rubber stamps on the UCF Board of Trustees will certainly not be looking for this kind of leader.
The future is bleak but there is hope. The internet. Before the internet, it would have been impossible to get the message out about UCF. No newspaper would have printed the factually sound arguments that I make in this blog (e.g., UCF lacks academic rigor; UCF wastes money; John Hitt bribed Evelyn Lynn; David Mealor is a thief; Terry Hickey is short). If UCF administrators are shamed enough, hopefully they will shift their priorities from money to academic quality.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Question of the Day
From an Inquiring Mind at UCF:
Ray Drecker, the lead character in the new HBO television series HUNG, is a male prostitute, high school teacher and basketball coach. He is also a graduate of the University of Central Florida in the series.
The question is was the use of UCF as his school a product placement by John Hitt and his crack administration? If it is a product placement, how much did they pay for the placement and is that one of the reasons they will not pay for academic programs?
Ray Drecker, the lead character in the new HBO television series HUNG, is a male prostitute, high school teacher and basketball coach. He is also a graduate of the University of Central Florida in the series.
The question is was the use of UCF as his school a product placement by John Hitt and his crack administration? If it is a product placement, how much did they pay for the placement and is that one of the reasons they will not pay for academic programs?
Monday, August 3, 2009
Dig of the Day
UCF administrators are a tad on the old side. A reader wrote:
It's like Cocoon without the vitality pool. Everyone is geezerfied; trust only old buds; staff with adoring appointees who applaud and nod and convene meetings.
It's like Cocoon without the vitality pool. Everyone is geezerfied; trust only old buds; staff with adoring appointees who applaud and nod and convene meetings.
Cut of the Day
Lyman Brodie, Associate Dean for the College of Arts and Humanities. He is paid 137K a year, and like so many of the big earners at UCF, he is incompetent. Because he can’t handle important tasks, he is usually given meaningless tasks that he doesn’t do; eventually, he gets the work assigned to someone else.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Rhetorical Question of the Day
From the Central Florida Future:
President John Hitt said that according to data from the state system, the administrative overhead at UCF is the lowest in the state. “That speaks to the priorities we’ve pursued in the 17 years I’ve been president,” Hitt said.
The argument that other schools are more wasteful than UCF is no justification for UCF’s wastefulness. Let’s try an analogy that may help Johnny understand. John, imagine you come home to find your wife fornicating with one of the servants. Would it be any consolation if she told you that compared to the spouses of the other SUS Presidents she was the most faithful?
President John Hitt said that according to data from the state system, the administrative overhead at UCF is the lowest in the state. “That speaks to the priorities we’ve pursued in the 17 years I’ve been president,” Hitt said.
The argument that other schools are more wasteful than UCF is no justification for UCF’s wastefulness. Let’s try an analogy that may help Johnny understand. John, imagine you come home to find your wife fornicating with one of the servants. Would it be any consolation if she told you that compared to the spouses of the other SUS Presidents she was the most faithful?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Cut of the Day
Consuelo Stebbins, Assistant Vice President for Internationalization. Fluff isn’t free. It costs a 150K a year.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Cut of the Day
David Mealor, Associate Vice President for Regional Campuses. For 134K a year, students and taxpayers get someone who is dumb, lazy, and corrupt. He is the epitome of uselessness.
Liar of the Day
Rick Walsh, chairman UCF’s Board of Trustees, on 29 May {From The Chronicle of Higher Education, no link because it is subscription only}:
"We were able to treat this as a big business where we were protecting shareholders," says Richard J. Walsh, chairman of the Board of Trustees. "We're in really good shape.”
Rick Walsh on 13 July:
Rick Walsh, chairman of UCF's Board of Trustees, said he worried the reductions are not going far enough given worries that the state could order more budget cuts in the future.
Thanks to a correspondent for catching this.
"We were able to treat this as a big business where we were protecting shareholders," says Richard J. Walsh, chairman of the Board of Trustees. "We're in really good shape.”
Rick Walsh on 13 July:
Rick Walsh, chairman of UCF's Board of Trustees, said he worried the reductions are not going far enough given worries that the state could order more budget cuts in the future.
Thanks to a correspondent for catching this.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Fight the Power
From F. Scott Fitzgerald:
Before I go on with this short history, let me make a general observation -- the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
With that in mind, you should go protest Hitt and Hickey’s program cuts.
On Thursday, July 23, the United Faculty of Florida will hold a second (and final) “Reprioritize” rally at UCF to protest the university administration’s recommendation to eliminate four programs (Cardiopulmonary Sciences, Engineering Technology, Management and Information Sciences, and Radiologic Sciences) and to suspend another (Actuarial Sciences).
The rally will take place from 11:45am to 12:30pm in the free assembly area between the Student Union and John T. Washington Center (Bookstore), where faculty will be joined by students, alumni, and other concerned taxpayers. From there, rally participants will move to the UCF Board of Trustees meeting from 1:00-5:00pm in the Live Oak Room.
At the rally, speakers, press contacts, and new information sheets will explain why the proposed program closures are unnecessary and based on misguided priorities.
Protesting probably won’t do any good, but there is a chance. Remember, Hitt didn’t want to retrofit the new stadium with water fountains, but he caved because a lot of people expressed outrage. Because Hitt is a politician, he will reverse himself if he is pressured.
Before I go on with this short history, let me make a general observation -- the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
With that in mind, you should go protest Hitt and Hickey’s program cuts.
On Thursday, July 23, the United Faculty of Florida will hold a second (and final) “Reprioritize” rally at UCF to protest the university administration’s recommendation to eliminate four programs (Cardiopulmonary Sciences, Engineering Technology, Management and Information Sciences, and Radiologic Sciences) and to suspend another (Actuarial Sciences).
The rally will take place from 11:45am to 12:30pm in the free assembly area between the Student Union and John T. Washington Center (Bookstore), where faculty will be joined by students, alumni, and other concerned taxpayers. From there, rally participants will move to the UCF Board of Trustees meeting from 1:00-5:00pm in the Live Oak Room.
At the rally, speakers, press contacts, and new information sheets will explain why the proposed program closures are unnecessary and based on misguided priorities.
Protesting probably won’t do any good, but there is a chance. Remember, Hitt didn’t want to retrofit the new stadium with water fountains, but he caved because a lot of people expressed outrage. Because Hitt is a politician, he will reverse himself if he is pressured.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I Hit You Because I Love You
From the Central Florida Future:
The fact sheet also claimed that the administration likely violated Florida Sunshine Laws by not consulting with faculty and students before arriving at its decision, but Hitt said he preferred the faculty not direct their anger toward each other.
"It's a hell of a lot better that you be mad at Terry Hickey and John Hitt than be mad at one another for suggesting that your programs be cut," Hitt said. "You want to see something that could really be terrible to faculty morale? Let faculty colleagues be suggesting that one another's programs be eliminated — that'll do it."
Unless the reporter for the Future left it out, Hitt didn’t address the argument that he and Hickey violated Florida Sunshine Laws. Instead, Hitt offered the non sequitur that he did the faculty a favor by not letting them participate in the discussion. He did this because he loves them and doesn’t want them to fight amongst themselves. In no way did he break the law and the norms of collegiality to avoid addressing the propositions that UCF has plenty of reserve money and that any cuts should first come from a bloated administration.
The fact sheet also claimed that the administration likely violated Florida Sunshine Laws by not consulting with faculty and students before arriving at its decision, but Hitt said he preferred the faculty not direct their anger toward each other.
"It's a hell of a lot better that you be mad at Terry Hickey and John Hitt than be mad at one another for suggesting that your programs be cut," Hitt said. "You want to see something that could really be terrible to faculty morale? Let faculty colleagues be suggesting that one another's programs be eliminated — that'll do it."
Unless the reporter for the Future left it out, Hitt didn’t address the argument that he and Hickey violated Florida Sunshine Laws. Instead, Hitt offered the non sequitur that he did the faculty a favor by not letting them participate in the discussion. He did this because he loves them and doesn’t want them to fight amongst themselves. In no way did he break the law and the norms of collegiality to avoid addressing the propositions that UCF has plenty of reserve money and that any cuts should first come from a bloated administration.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Judas of the Day
Ida Cook, chair of the Faculty Senate and member of the BOT. Ida voted against students and faculty by voting for Hitt and Hickey’s program cuts. Instead of thirty pieces of silver, she gets release time.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Lou Frey Loves Government Waste
A reader wrote:
Apparently this isn’t important anymore:
From Lou Frey’s bio: He received the Watch Dog of the Treasury Award in each of his terms for voting to hold the line against inflation and to curb excess government spending.
Apparently this isn’t important anymore:
From Lou Frey’s bio: He received the Watch Dog of the Treasury Award in each of his terms for voting to hold the line against inflation and to curb excess government spending.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Dumbest and Most Esoteric Post Ever
The “Jabba the Hitt” cartoon got me thinking what if Hitt and Hickey ran the Republic in Star Wars.
1. Hitt would be Emperor Palpatine and Hickey would be Darth Vader, although this doesn’t fit because Vader is tall.
2. Yoda would be reduced to saying things like “Increase Jedi Credit Hours we must. Promoted to Associate Vice President I will be.”
3. Instead of having only one Padawan (i.e., student), each Jedi Master would have a hundred. This would increase JCH.
4. Because each Jedi Master would have so many Padawans, the Jedi Trials would become multiple-choice and true/false.
5. Many of these mass produced Jedi wouldn’t be able to use the Force to move even a pencil. They would end up working at Dex’s Diner while trying to use the Jedi mind trick on themselves – pathetically waving their hand at their own face and telling themselves that their Jedi-degree wasn’t utterly worthless.
A good friend helped me with these.
1. Hitt would be Emperor Palpatine and Hickey would be Darth Vader, although this doesn’t fit because Vader is tall.
2. Yoda would be reduced to saying things like “Increase Jedi Credit Hours we must. Promoted to Associate Vice President I will be.”
3. Instead of having only one Padawan (i.e., student), each Jedi Master would have a hundred. This would increase JCH.
4. Because each Jedi Master would have so many Padawans, the Jedi Trials would become multiple-choice and true/false.
5. Many of these mass produced Jedi wouldn’t be able to use the Force to move even a pencil. They would end up working at Dex’s Diner while trying to use the Jedi mind trick on themselves – pathetically waving their hand at their own face and telling themselves that their Jedi-degree wasn’t utterly worthless.
A good friend helped me with these.
Made Me Laugh
Regarding the reversal of UCF’s decision to eliminate the Department of Statistics, a reader wrote:
They clearly hadn't thought this through and the idiocy of Research 1 aspirations with no statistics????
They clearly hadn't thought this through and the idiocy of Research 1 aspirations with no statistics????
Cut of the Day
AJ Range, Assistant Vice President for Regional Student Services. At 84K a year, you all know the story…
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Cut of the Day
The Lou Frey Institute of Politics and Government. For an example of narcissism without justification, see Lou’s bio.
Cut Duplicative Administration
I like Jim Gilkeson’s slogan. UCF loves to hire three people to do one job that isn’t even important. Too bad the phrase didn’t get into the full article on the protest over academic programs being eliminated.
This op-ed piece is pitch perfect:
To make matters worse, the program eliminations are not even necessary. The State of Florida Auditor General's most recent financial audit of UCF, dated June 2008, shows that the school had more than $140 million in "unrestricted net assets."
Beyond better prioritizing academic programs in its budget, UCF could spare program eliminations by ending wasteful spending. UCF could, for example:
•Cut a bloated administration that has grown more than three times the rate of faculty during the past 10 years.
•Call back the $8.7 million loan to athletics.
•Save at least $2.7 million per year by ending the practice of rehiring retirees.
•Cut funding of campus beautification, community relations and other non-academic projects and programs.
This op-ed piece is pitch perfect:
To make matters worse, the program eliminations are not even necessary. The State of Florida Auditor General's most recent financial audit of UCF, dated June 2008, shows that the school had more than $140 million in "unrestricted net assets."
Beyond better prioritizing academic programs in its budget, UCF could spare program eliminations by ending wasteful spending. UCF could, for example:
•Cut a bloated administration that has grown more than three times the rate of faculty during the past 10 years.
•Call back the $8.7 million loan to athletics.
•Save at least $2.7 million per year by ending the practice of rehiring retirees.
•Cut funding of campus beautification, community relations and other non-academic projects and programs.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Go Privateers
The University of New Orleans seems to have the right priorities:
Faced with its deepest budget cuts in decades, the University of New Orleans will eliminate nine top-level administrative positions and restructure non-academic departments to minimize the impact on classrooms, Chancellor Timothy Ryan said at a news conference Thursday.
The athletics program was spared major cuts but key positions abolished include the vice chancellor for advancement and the dean of admissions. Ryan said between 20 and 30 currently filled administrative and staff positions, including the director of Greek life, will be lost through a combination of layoffs and retirements.
Thanks to a reader for sending this in.
Faced with its deepest budget cuts in decades, the University of New Orleans will eliminate nine top-level administrative positions and restructure non-academic departments to minimize the impact on classrooms, Chancellor Timothy Ryan said at a news conference Thursday.
The athletics program was spared major cuts but key positions abolished include the vice chancellor for advancement and the dean of admissions. Ryan said between 20 and 30 currently filled administrative and staff positions, including the director of Greek life, will be lost through a combination of layoffs and retirements.
Thanks to a reader for sending this in.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Why Hickey is a Dickhead
Hickey flip-flopped on cutting statistics: From the Orlando Business Journal:
But a July 10 release said keeping statistics will preserve 12 faculty and two staff jobs and allow 75 students to continue in the program. Statistics will have to increase degree production and put a greater emphasis on biostatistics and data mining.
“After further consideration in recent weeks, I believe a restructuring of statistics will allow us to preserve the program as long as it meets new productivity measures,” said UCF Provost and Executive Vice President Terry Hickey.
How is the statistics department supposed to increase degree production? I suppose they could spend a bunch of money on a marketing campaign (e.g., “Statistics Stands for Opportunity”). Nope, that won’t work. The only efficacious thing the Department of Statistics can do to increase degree production is to lower academic standards.
It is Hickey’s desire for more students, more graduates, and the concomitant increase in funding that is destroying the value of a UCF degree.
Thanks to a reader for a link to the article.
But a July 10 release said keeping statistics will preserve 12 faculty and two staff jobs and allow 75 students to continue in the program. Statistics will have to increase degree production and put a greater emphasis on biostatistics and data mining.
“After further consideration in recent weeks, I believe a restructuring of statistics will allow us to preserve the program as long as it meets new productivity measures,” said UCF Provost and Executive Vice President Terry Hickey.
How is the statistics department supposed to increase degree production? I suppose they could spend a bunch of money on a marketing campaign (e.g., “Statistics Stands for Opportunity”). Nope, that won’t work. The only efficacious thing the Department of Statistics can do to increase degree production is to lower academic standards.
It is Hickey’s desire for more students, more graduates, and the concomitant increase in funding that is destroying the value of a UCF degree.
Thanks to a reader for a link to the article.
Cut of the Day
Cecelia Rivers, Assistant Vice President for the Western Region. At 109K a year, she’s more expensive and less useful than all those palm trees Hitt and Hickey bought.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Statistics Lives (Probably)
UCF is considering keeping statistics. Hickey is a complete dickhead. I’ll write more about this next week.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Cut of the Day
Lin Huff-Corzine, Assistant Vice President of Faculty Affairs. She costs a 139K a year but has difficulty performing her responsibilities competently. At UCF, poor performers that are loyal are never fired. UCF just hires additional people to pick up the slack. Lin needs to go back to teaching.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
How Fools Spend Their Days and Taxpayer/Student Money
From the Annual Report, Division of Community Relations:
The fundamental nature of community relations is sometimes overlooked within the university setting since it can be difficult to establish metrics and quantify outcome. Much like adequate insurance coverage, good community relations may only become noticeable by its absence.
How do you measure community relations? Is it possible to put a price tag on good will?
The last question is intended to be rhetorical (with the answer being that good will has no price tag), but of course, good will has a price tag. The cost of this “good will” is academic diversity. Instead of spending money on academic programs (e.g., Statistics and Actuarial Sciences), UCF has decided to spend money on politically connected employees to participate in meaningless parties.
Notice the emphasis on the difficulty of measuring the impact of community relations. It is very convenient for Helen Donegan and her giant staff to conclude that it is nearly impossible to measure the impact of community relations. Because of this lack of testability, the convenient and financially rewarding conclusion for Donegan et al. is that community relations is the greatest thing in the world.
During a period of limited resources, goodwill that is accumulated as the result of effective community relations becomes important capital for the university to call upon to reach its goals. Neighbors who understand the economic and social value of the university are less apt to oppose university initiatives and drain university resources.
Phrased differently: If we spend a bunch of taxpayer/student money projecting a good public image, then we will be able to do whatever we want.
As evidence of the success of this effort, one of the board members of a nearby homeowners association that had protested a football stadium at the north end of campus requested that he be allowed to play UCF music through a community tower on game days.
With cogent, scientific arguments like that, I hope I never get into a debate with community relations. Seriously, you could teach an entire critical thinking course by using only statements from UCF administrators as examples of fallacious reasoning.
The fundamental nature of community relations is sometimes overlooked within the university setting since it can be difficult to establish metrics and quantify outcome. Much like adequate insurance coverage, good community relations may only become noticeable by its absence.
How do you measure community relations? Is it possible to put a price tag on good will?
The last question is intended to be rhetorical (with the answer being that good will has no price tag), but of course, good will has a price tag. The cost of this “good will” is academic diversity. Instead of spending money on academic programs (e.g., Statistics and Actuarial Sciences), UCF has decided to spend money on politically connected employees to participate in meaningless parties.
Notice the emphasis on the difficulty of measuring the impact of community relations. It is very convenient for Helen Donegan and her giant staff to conclude that it is nearly impossible to measure the impact of community relations. Because of this lack of testability, the convenient and financially rewarding conclusion for Donegan et al. is that community relations is the greatest thing in the world.
During a period of limited resources, goodwill that is accumulated as the result of effective community relations becomes important capital for the university to call upon to reach its goals. Neighbors who understand the economic and social value of the university are less apt to oppose university initiatives and drain university resources.
Phrased differently: If we spend a bunch of taxpayer/student money projecting a good public image, then we will be able to do whatever we want.
As evidence of the success of this effort, one of the board members of a nearby homeowners association that had protested a football stadium at the north end of campus requested that he be allowed to play UCF music through a community tower on game days.
With cogent, scientific arguments like that, I hope I never get into a debate with community relations. Seriously, you could teach an entire critical thinking course by using only statements from UCF administrators as examples of fallacious reasoning.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Cut of the Day
Denise Young, Associate Vice President for the Southern Region. She makes 154K a year. Her colleagues consider her lazy, but it doesn’t matter. Her job is unnecessary for the functioning of UCF’s satellite campuses in Brevard County.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Cut of the Day
UCF Global Perspectives. For 107K a year, John Bersia directs a lot of expensive, unnecessary staff members. The office purports to solve global problems by offering vague, meaningless generalities (e.g., “If September 11th taught Americans and the citizens of other nations anything, it was that the world demands the ongoing engagement of its people.”). UCF should focus resources on educating students (put Bersia on a 3/3), and not on generating insignificant publications and presentations that pretend to solve global conflict.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Cut of the Day
Al Harms, Vice President of Strategy, Marketing, Communications, and Admissions. At 182K a year, he is in charge of UCF’s strategic planning. Try to imagine UCF running without him. It’s easy, isn’t it?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Cut of the Day
David Harrison, Vice Provost of the Regional Campuses. He makes 165K a year, and he is unnecessary to the day-to-day operations of the regional campuses. He’s one of those “big thinker” types. Because in the foreseeable future, there will be no money for grandiose plans, his dismissal is a good way to reduce a bloated administrative budget.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Thank You, Contributors
At first, this blog was a fun hobby. After a while, I got bored with it. Readers probably noticed my boredom because I was barely posting. I felt bad about this because even when I was only posting a few times a month readership was steady.
Lately, writing the blog has been fun again. There are two reasons. First, because of budget cuts, the administration’s assholerie has prominently manifested itself. Second, an increasing number of readers have sent in excellent information and analysis.
At first, this blog was a solo effort to document UCF’s low academic standards, waste, and corruption. Now, if this blog is on point or entertaining, then the correspondents deserve a lot of the credit.
Lately, writing the blog has been fun again. There are two reasons. First, because of budget cuts, the administration’s assholerie has prominently manifested itself. Second, an increasing number of readers have sent in excellent information and analysis.
At first, this blog was a solo effort to document UCF’s low academic standards, waste, and corruption. Now, if this blog is on point or entertaining, then the correspondents deserve a lot of the credit.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Hypocrisy Watch
As you may have heard, UCF is getting sued because a football player passed away during a practice.
From the Orlando Sentinel:
UCF has aggressively pursued hearing dates to settle its motion for summary judgment and a separate motion to treat the UCFAA as a state agency protected by the Florida cap on payment of settlements. The UCFAA is a direct-support organization and repeatedly has identified itself as a private corporation in the past.
UCF wants to have it both ways on this. Recently, they refused a public records request for salary information on UCFAA employees because they contend that those employees are not state employees. When they get sued, they want to say the UCFAA is a state agency that should be protected by the cap on civil judgments.
From the Orlando Sentinel:
UCF has aggressively pursued hearing dates to settle its motion for summary judgment and a separate motion to treat the UCFAA as a state agency protected by the Florida cap on payment of settlements. The UCFAA is a direct-support organization and repeatedly has identified itself as a private corporation in the past.
UCF wants to have it both ways on this. Recently, they refused a public records request for salary information on UCFAA employees because they contend that those employees are not state employees. When they get sued, they want to say the UCFAA is a state agency that should be protected by the cap on civil judgments.
Pay Cut of the Day
During this recession, many corporations – and we know how UCF loves to fancy themselves a corporation – have resorted to pay cuts. Here’s somebody that could stand a pay cut. Robert Holmes, head of the UCF foundation, makes 225K year. This is over double what he made ten years ago.
During the good times, there was a consistent trend at UCF to give extraordinary raises to high level administrators (Holmes isn’t an isolated example). I wonder how many USPS employees have doubled their salary in the last decade at UCF.
During the good times, there was a consistent trend at UCF to give extraordinary raises to high level administrators (Holmes isn’t an isolated example). I wonder how many USPS employees have doubled their salary in the last decade at UCF.
Priorities
From the Orlando Sentinel:
UCF is giving $166,080 to the athletics association this year, a 60 percent drop from last year's contribution of $393,487. The athletics association also is poised to make a $300,000 payment to the university, the first of 12 annual payments to pay back a $8.7 million loan taken out to make all athletics programs more competitive. "The level of loans we've made is not material to the university's financial health, but it's very important to understand that those are really loans and not grants and that integrity of the process is being respected," Hitt said.
A reader wrote:
How can the level of loans NOT be "material to the university's financial health?" The loans are $8.7 million. The closed programs supposedly cost $6.7 million, right? And, if the university is in such dire straits that it needs to close programs, wouldn't it be demanding that athletics pay some of that money back? Rather than giving them MORE money?
UCF is giving $166,080 to the athletics association this year, a 60 percent drop from last year's contribution of $393,487. The athletics association also is poised to make a $300,000 payment to the university, the first of 12 annual payments to pay back a $8.7 million loan taken out to make all athletics programs more competitive. "The level of loans we've made is not material to the university's financial health, but it's very important to understand that those are really loans and not grants and that integrity of the process is being respected," Hitt said.
A reader wrote:
How can the level of loans NOT be "material to the university's financial health?" The loans are $8.7 million. The closed programs supposedly cost $6.7 million, right? And, if the university is in such dire straits that it needs to close programs, wouldn't it be demanding that athletics pay some of that money back? Rather than giving them MORE money?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A Charitable Cause for Idiots and Assholes
In these tough times, it is more important than ever to contribute to the most worthy causes. I can think of nothing more important than erecting a statue of Charles Millican.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
New Revenue Source of the Day
Victoria's Secret is going to make a line of UCF lingerie. A reader wrote:
We may not have engineering technology anymore, but at least we've got lingerie. Wonder which administrators will model?
We may not have engineering technology anymore, but at least we've got lingerie. Wonder which administrators will model?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Cuts of the Day (Without Naming Names)*
UCF has grown a lot in the past ten years. From 1998 to 2008, Fall headcount went from 30,009 to 50,275. This is an increase of 68 percent. You know what has grown faster than UCF enrollment? The number of fancy pants UCF administrators who possess over-rated qualities like vision and leadership. Take a look at the following table which depicts the number of UCF employees in various leadership positions:
From 1998 to 2008, enrollment increased 68 percent, but the number of skill-less fucks with fancy titles increased 200 percent. Keep in mind that administrators at this level typically make at least double what the average associate professor earns. If university administrators end up eliminating academic departments but do nothing to reduce their own ranks, then it will be a testament to their absolute indifference to students.
* Thanks to a reader for developing the content of this post. I just added the swear words.
| Classification | 1998 | 2008 |
| VP | 8 | 9 |
| Associate VP | 8 | 28 |
| Assistant VP | 7 | 26 |
| Vice Provost | 0 | 6 |
| Total | 23 | 69 |
From 1998 to 2008, enrollment increased 68 percent, but the number of skill-less fucks with fancy titles increased 200 percent. Keep in mind that administrators at this level typically make at least double what the average associate professor earns. If university administrators end up eliminating academic departments but do nothing to reduce their own ranks, then it will be a testament to their absolute indifference to students.
* Thanks to a reader for developing the content of this post. I just added the swear words.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Cut of the Day on Hiatus
I have a lot more ways for UCF to stop wasting money, but I have to give some thought as to how I want to present them. Some people are useless and deserve to be called out. Others are useless but don’t deserve the shame.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Cut of the Day
UCF administrators who have retired and returned. There are people in this group that could be let go with no impact on students.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Cut of the Day
Division of Community Relations. I have already mentioned a couple of their employees, but the whole office is a budgetary cancer that needs to be cut out. Just look at their mission statement (It reads like it was written by a child, albeit a bright one):
The mission of the Division of Community Relations is to cultivate, maintain and enhance the link between UCF and the various publics it serves and to create and implement community-based programs to increase knowledge and understanding of the university within key external communities. Individually and as a unit, the division is active in all aspects of the community, communicating about UCF's mission, culture and objectives to various constituencies and planning and implementing a wide range of activities and events.
The mission of the Division of Community Relations is to cultivate, maintain and enhance the link between UCF and the various publics it serves and to create and implement community-based programs to increase knowledge and understanding of the university within key external communities. Individually and as a unit, the division is active in all aspects of the community, communicating about UCF's mission, culture and objectives to various constituencies and planning and implementing a wide range of activities and events.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Friday’s Cut of the Day – Thinking Outside the Box
“Thinking outside the box” is one of those annoying terms that strategic management consultants throw around to sound smart. Because UCF loves these dumb-fuck consultants, the term is appropriate for Friday’s suggested cut. Although I don’t think any of my suggested cuts will ever happen, Friday’s cut of the day is going to be very unlikely to occur.
Here is today’s suggestion. President Hitt makes about 600K a year. More than half of his salary is provided by suckers foolish enough to donate to the UCF foundation (the other part comes from the state). If Hitt were to take 300K of his salary – the part that is donated to him – and give it back to UCF to save an academic program, he would be a god damn hero. This donation could completely save radiologic sciences or part of another program slated to be cut. Think about it, Johnny, the local media would go nuts, and I’m pretty sure your generosity would get national attention.
Here is today’s suggestion. President Hitt makes about 600K a year. More than half of his salary is provided by suckers foolish enough to donate to the UCF foundation (the other part comes from the state). If Hitt were to take 300K of his salary – the part that is donated to him – and give it back to UCF to save an academic program, he would be a god damn hero. This donation could completely save radiologic sciences or part of another program slated to be cut. Think about it, Johnny, the local media would go nuts, and I’m pretty sure your generosity would get national attention.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Cut of the Day
Karen Jans. You knew she was going to make the list. Senator Evelyn Lynn’s daughter makes 83K a year. That is 27 percent of the yearly budget for the soon to be gone Radiologic Science program.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Cut of the Day
UCF News and Information. Spin doctoring is not central to the mission of offering a quality education. UCF can keep on getting bad press without spending all that money.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Cut of the Day
Metropolitan Center for Regional Studies. The director is Linda Chapin, a politician who parlayed her connections into a lucrative sinecure. The loss of this unit would have no impact on students.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Snarky Comment
Do you think Hickey could be a kind of reverse Pinocchio (i.e., whenever he lies he gets shorter)?
Suggestions for Cuts
Over the summer, I’m going to post suggestions for budget cuts. These could be a person or a unit. Because wasting money is a bad idea in even good economic times, these will be cuts that should be made even if the budget situation were better.
As of late, some readers have opened my eyes to gigantic wastes of money at UCF. So, if you want to make a case for a cut, send an email.
As of late, some readers have opened my eyes to gigantic wastes of money at UCF. So, if you want to make a case for a cut, send an email.
They Will Keep Themselves
The announced layoffs hit the faculty hard. Among the employees to be laid off, 88 percent are faculty and only 12 percent are staff. This proportion is much different than the one offered by Provost Hickey when he said the sky was falling. At that time, the distribution of layoffs would have been 63 percent faculty and 37 percent staff.
Now, it is true that Hickey has said that the administrative budget will be cut by 3.1 percent or 3.7 million and presumably this means more staff cuts. However, no specifics have been offered. Here’s my prediction: Hickey is lying. Hickey probably enjoyed cutting programs that didn’t earn (i.e., produce a lot of student credit hours), but he will not want to cut his own people (i.e., useless high level administrators).
Now, it is true that Hickey has said that the administrative budget will be cut by 3.1 percent or 3.7 million and presumably this means more staff cuts. However, no specifics have been offered. Here’s my prediction: Hickey is lying. Hickey probably enjoyed cutting programs that didn’t earn (i.e., produce a lot of student credit hours), but he will not want to cut his own people (i.e., useless high level administrators).
Thursday, June 4, 2009
UCF Announces a Layoff List (sort of)
Go read the article.
It is interesting that UCF is specific about which programs are likely to be cut, but they offer no details about how they plan to cut 3.7 million dollars in administrative costs.
I’ll have more thoughts later.
It is interesting that UCF is specific about which programs are likely to be cut, but they offer no details about how they plan to cut 3.7 million dollars in administrative costs.
I’ll have more thoughts later.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Sky isn’t Falling, but it Might Rain
The Petite Provost has issued an update:
This loss of recurring state dollars will require us to move beyond the “financial belt tightening” we have performed so far and will force us to consider program eliminations and layoffs, though not of the magnitude we previously discussed when faced with a larger cut.
This loss of recurring state dollars will require us to move beyond the “financial belt tightening” we have performed so far and will force us to consider program eliminations and layoffs, though not of the magnitude we previously discussed when faced with a larger cut.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Sky isn’t Falling
From the Orlando Sentinel:
The University of Central Florida estimated in April that 330 faculty and 190 staff jobs could be lost and 25 academic programs closed in the event of deep budget cuts. Those estimates were based on the possibility of budget cuts in the $57 million range. The Legislature wound up cutting $38 million in general state revenue and Lottery money, replacing it with about $31 million in stimulus money and higher tuition. The $7 million gap can be covered by university reserves, officials said.
The University of Central Florida estimated in April that 330 faculty and 190 staff jobs could be lost and 25 academic programs closed in the event of deep budget cuts. Those estimates were based on the possibility of budget cuts in the $57 million range. The Legislature wound up cutting $38 million in general state revenue and Lottery money, replacing it with about $31 million in stimulus money and higher tuition. The $7 million gap can be covered by university reserves, officials said.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Where to Cut
Walk into any academic department and you will see at least a couple of people who have little to do. It probably makes sense to cut some of these employees.
Nevertheless, the majority of the cuts should focus on the managerial employees that created this inefficient system by seeking the unnecessary and irrational expansion of their budgets. These administrators should be removed like the cancer they are. Among the UCF staff, it is generally true that the higher your salary, the less your absence matters.
Nevertheless, the majority of the cuts should focus on the managerial employees that created this inefficient system by seeking the unnecessary and irrational expansion of their budgets. These administrators should be removed like the cancer they are. Among the UCF staff, it is generally true that the higher your salary, the less your absence matters.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Unintended Consequences
An email to Digital Media Majors:
To All DM Students:
Somehow, a rumor has developed that the Department of Digital Media will be closed. I need to categorically state, there has been no such decision notified. The Department is strong and moving forward.
Nevertheless, President Hitt is concerned about the impending budget cuts. The email forwarded from his office yesterday to all of you had the intention of letting you know what your “Alma Mater” is facing.
If you so desire, contact your Florida state legislators. Ask your friends as well as your parents to do so. Let the legislators know how you feel. You need to get involved.
We at the Department of Digital Media will continue to work to help you obtain your degree.
Cordially, José M. Maunez-Cuadra, Interim Chair
Ha! When the Provost says that if he doesn’t get what he wants he will have to cut programs, then current and prospective students may start to flee. In the process of trying to protect his empire, Hickey may have hurt enrollment more than funding cuts.
To All DM Students:
Somehow, a rumor has developed that the Department of Digital Media will be closed. I need to categorically state, there has been no such decision notified. The Department is strong and moving forward.
Nevertheless, President Hitt is concerned about the impending budget cuts. The email forwarded from his office yesterday to all of you had the intention of letting you know what your “Alma Mater” is facing.
If you so desire, contact your Florida state legislators. Ask your friends as well as your parents to do so. Let the legislators know how you feel. You need to get involved.
We at the Department of Digital Media will continue to work to help you obtain your degree.
Cordially, José M. Maunez-Cuadra, Interim Chair
Ha! When the Provost says that if he doesn’t get what he wants he will have to cut programs, then current and prospective students may start to flee. In the process of trying to protect his empire, Hickey may have hurt enrollment more than funding cuts.
Layoffs
I’m going to feel bad if people lose their jobs – it’s not their fault that UCF is willing to give them free money for very little work – but dismissing the right people will increase the efficient use of a finite resource (i.e., money). Unfortunately, in the event of UCF layoffs, I fear that the most useless, politically-connected employees will get to keep their jobs.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Sky is Falling
From the Sentinel:
The University of Central Florida will be forced to cut 330 faculty positions, 190 staff jobs and as many as 25 academic programs if the state eventually orders budget cuts close to the $57 million called for in the House budget proposal, Provost Terry Hickey said today…
"The part people haven't grasped yet is the damage this will do to the state of Florida," Hickey said about cuts to the state's 11 public universities, citing the wage losses that will affect local economies and the departure of faculty to states with more stable funding.
Because Hickey is a midget and predicting the end of the world, it would be easy to think of him as Chicken Little. Be not deceived! Hickey is the fox who eats Chicken Little and all of his friends. Hickey is predicting the most unlikely, extreme scenario. His predictions are so dire because he wants to motivate the public to pressure the legislature to let UCF keep their inefficient empire.
The University of Central Florida will be forced to cut 330 faculty positions, 190 staff jobs and as many as 25 academic programs if the state eventually orders budget cuts close to the $57 million called for in the House budget proposal, Provost Terry Hickey said today…
"The part people haven't grasped yet is the damage this will do to the state of Florida," Hickey said about cuts to the state's 11 public universities, citing the wage losses that will affect local economies and the departure of faculty to states with more stable funding.
Because Hickey is a midget and predicting the end of the world, it would be easy to think of him as Chicken Little. Be not deceived! Hickey is the fox who eats Chicken Little and all of his friends. Hickey is predicting the most unlikely, extreme scenario. His predictions are so dire because he wants to motivate the public to pressure the legislature to let UCF keep their inefficient empire.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Indict John Hitt and Evelyn Lynn
A grand jury indicted Ray Sansom and the President of Northwest Florida State College, Bob Richburg, on a felony charge of official misconduct. Sansom steered funding to Richburg’s school, and Richburg gave him a highly paid administrative position.
Senator Evelyn Lynn suggested she was interested in pulling funding from UCF’s Daytona Campus. To save their funding, UCF hired Lynn’s unemployed daughter for 80K a year.
There are some nuanced differences between the cases, but essentially the same thing happened. Lynn abused her power for personal gain, and Hitt went along with it. There is probable cause that Hitt and Lynn committed a crime; both should be prosecuted.
Senator Evelyn Lynn suggested she was interested in pulling funding from UCF’s Daytona Campus. To save their funding, UCF hired Lynn’s unemployed daughter for 80K a year.
There are some nuanced differences between the cases, but essentially the same thing happened. Lynn abused her power for personal gain, and Hitt went along with it. There is probable cause that Hitt and Lynn committed a crime; both should be prosecuted.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Hate and Obsession
On a message board, UCF Loves Money was recently linked to by someone who wondered, “think they hate UCF or maybe just obsessed.”
It’s clear from the recent dearth of postings that I’m not obsessed with UCF, but I could see an argument being made that I hate UCF. However, I don’t hate UCF. I write this blog because I want UCF to be less wasteful, corrupt, and unethical; UCF should also adopt more rigorous academic standards. I compose this blog because I want UCF to be better.
This won’t happen in the near term, but unless SCH production is the key to immortality, Hitt won’t be able to do his job much longer. As long as short-stuff (i.e., Hickey) doesn’t succeed Hitt then the new President could make an effort to improve UCF. That’s the hope.
By the way, I’m not linking to the message board because a subsequent poster made a comment about one of the stars of this blog that if untrue would be libelous. So, for all of you bored UCF employees, have fun trying to find it.
It’s clear from the recent dearth of postings that I’m not obsessed with UCF, but I could see an argument being made that I hate UCF. However, I don’t hate UCF. I write this blog because I want UCF to be less wasteful, corrupt, and unethical; UCF should also adopt more rigorous academic standards. I compose this blog because I want UCF to be better.
This won’t happen in the near term, but unless SCH production is the key to immortality, Hitt won’t be able to do his job much longer. As long as short-stuff (i.e., Hickey) doesn’t succeed Hitt then the new President could make an effort to improve UCF. That’s the hope.
By the way, I’m not linking to the message board because a subsequent poster made a comment about one of the stars of this blog that if untrue would be libelous. So, for all of you bored UCF employees, have fun trying to find it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
150th Post
I’ve gotten a lot of nice emails, but this is the first one critical of something I’ve written. I’m printing it without comment:
Most of your blogs are good. But that was not cool to post a link about the new football coach getting two DUIs (http://ucflovesmoney.blogspot.com/2009/01/so-it-goes.html). Why would you do that - how long ago was that - 13/16 years ago? That man has nothing to do with athletics getting more $ than departments. Should the college look at how much $ they spend on athletics - sure. Should they cut money - possibly. But as a graduate (both UG and GRAD) I am glad UCF is trying to build up the football program - even though I don't know anything about football I know when I am in a job interview people will ask me about the Knights. Do they ask about some obscure research done by a math prof - no - they ask about football. It doesn't make it right - and sure it sucks. But it isn't that man's problem. And at the end of the day most of the jocks will be back in school to get a real education after their athletic career ends - just like when I was getting my masters at UCF- I sat next to a former NFL player. His degree in communications didn't get him as far as he thought it would. So let the people in athletics have the little bit of glory they can get.
Most of your blogs are good. But that was not cool to post a link about the new football coach getting two DUIs (http://ucflovesmoney.blogspot.com/2009/01/so-it-goes.html). Why would you do that - how long ago was that - 13/16 years ago? That man has nothing to do with athletics getting more $ than departments. Should the college look at how much $ they spend on athletics - sure. Should they cut money - possibly. But as a graduate (both UG and GRAD) I am glad UCF is trying to build up the football program - even though I don't know anything about football I know when I am in a job interview people will ask me about the Knights. Do they ask about some obscure research done by a math prof - no - they ask about football. It doesn't make it right - and sure it sucks. But it isn't that man's problem. And at the end of the day most of the jocks will be back in school to get a real education after their athletic career ends - just like when I was getting my masters at UCF- I sat next to a former NFL player. His degree in communications didn't get him as far as he thought it would. So let the people in athletics have the little bit of glory they can get.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Unintentionally Funny
Terry Hickey:
No good deed goes unpunished, because the last thing I heard was we need bigger stipends, and now we need more graduate students.
You make me smile, little buddy. Graduate stipends were only increased because graduate student credit hour production sucked. If good deeds are punished, you got nothing to worry about.
No good deed goes unpunished, because the last thing I heard was we need bigger stipends, and now we need more graduate students.
You make me smile, little buddy. Graduate stipends were only increased because graduate student credit hour production sucked. If good deeds are punished, you got nothing to worry about.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Mea Culpa
In an earlier post, I said that UCF administrators did the right thing by declining administrative bonuses. When I wrote this, I wondered if I was being naïve, but I decided to not think the worst of them. In a letter to his colleagues, Jim Gilkeson set me straight:
Last week, President Hitt and Provost Hickey visited the faculty in some of our colleges and told them to expect unpaid "furloughs" (aka leave without pay or salary cuts) because of UCF's dire financial condition.
All the while, 300 palm trees are planted in front of the President's gated residence. The university announces that it is going to proceed with $82,000 worth of excellence awards and $500,000 in TIP, RIA, and SoTL salary increases, both actions being in violation of state labor law. Dozens of administrators retire, replacements are hired, and then the retired administrators are hired back on new contracts, covertly swelling the ranks of UCF's administration, while the number of classroom faculty dwindles. Through it all, President Hitt's 5-figure car allowance, gold-plated health care plan, and deferred compensation package remain intact.
The final straw? That secret bonus plan for UCF's top 11 administrators? President Hitt and his VPs didn't turn down the bonuses (as they claimed in a press release that was circulated one day before a television report about them was going to air), they merely deferred the bonuses to a later date. Our senior administrators still think they deserve over $450,000 in bonuses. Outrageous. They say there’s no money for raises. They make threats of pay cuts. Yet our senior administration still plans to pay itself half a million in bonuses – as soon as it won’t be a public relations nightmare to do so. It’s bad enough when this sort of behavior drives multi-billion dollar financial institutions into bankruptcy; it’s unbelievable that it would happen at a tax-payer supported, public university.
UCF administrators think only of themselves. I’m sorry I suggested otherwise. To my loyal readers, I will do better in the future.
Last week, President Hitt and Provost Hickey visited the faculty in some of our colleges and told them to expect unpaid "furloughs" (aka leave without pay or salary cuts) because of UCF's dire financial condition.
All the while, 300 palm trees are planted in front of the President's gated residence. The university announces that it is going to proceed with $82,000 worth of excellence awards and $500,000 in TIP, RIA, and SoTL salary increases, both actions being in violation of state labor law. Dozens of administrators retire, replacements are hired, and then the retired administrators are hired back on new contracts, covertly swelling the ranks of UCF's administration, while the number of classroom faculty dwindles. Through it all, President Hitt's 5-figure car allowance, gold-plated health care plan, and deferred compensation package remain intact.
The final straw? That secret bonus plan for UCF's top 11 administrators? President Hitt and his VPs didn't turn down the bonuses (as they claimed in a press release that was circulated one day before a television report about them was going to air), they merely deferred the bonuses to a later date. Our senior administrators still think they deserve over $450,000 in bonuses. Outrageous. They say there’s no money for raises. They make threats of pay cuts. Yet our senior administration still plans to pay itself half a million in bonuses – as soon as it won’t be a public relations nightmare to do so. It’s bad enough when this sort of behavior drives multi-billion dollar financial institutions into bankruptcy; it’s unbelievable that it would happen at a tax-payer supported, public university.
UCF administrators think only of themselves. I’m sorry I suggested otherwise. To my loyal readers, I will do better in the future.
Heston Concedes UCF’s Naïve Optimism
UCF is having trouble finding a corporation to pay a bunch of money for the naming rights to the arena. Here’s the telling paragraph in the story:
Money from the naming rights was built into the arena's revenue model from the beginning, said UCF spokesman Grant Heston, though it's not clear how much the university hopes to get at this point.
Money from the naming rights was built into the arena's revenue model from the beginning, said UCF spokesman Grant Heston, though it's not clear how much the university hopes to get at this point.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Bizarro World
First, UCF punished an administrator for stealing and now eleven UCF administrators are turning down $469,000 worth of raises. If this keeps up*, I’ll have to change the name of this blog to UCF Loves Doing the Right Thing.
* It won’t.
* It won’t.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Stopping the Corruption
The Sentinel is right to conclude that state lawmakers should be prohibited from state employment. I would also suggest that any time a state agency wants to hire the child, spouse, or sibling of a legislator that there should be an independent review to determine that the job is essential and that the candidate with the legislative connection is the best qualified.
Monday, February 2, 2009
How To Steal From UCF
Bill Wetherell* used to do the schedule for UCF Regional Campuses. He hated his boss, David Harrison – Vice Provost for Regional Campuses, and attempted to manipulate events so that Harrison would be fired.
Harrison, however, thought Bill was wonderful and one of the best people he had working for him. So, when an anonymous tipster lodged a complaint that Bill illegally subverted the competitive bid process and steered thousands of dollars in UCF money to the Wetherell family sign making company, Harrison initially dismissed it as without merit.
Later, Harrison was given evidence of Bill’s betrayal that was so damning that even the childishly-naïve Harrison concluded that Bill was his enemy. Although the merits of the complaint had not changed, Harrison reversed his earlier position and ordered a formal investigation of the allegation of financial impropriety.
The point of this story: If you are going to steal from UCF, make sure you don’t have or make any enemies. If Jamal Nayfeh, who used his UCF credit card to buy a home theatre system, had been better liked and more politically connected, he may have gotten away with it or only had to slowly pay back the stolen funds à la David Mealor.
Remember, Mealor was reported because he made an enemy of a low-level employee, but he was left unpunished by the more powerful because he was politically connected. At UCF, if everybody loves or fears you, you can take whatever you want.
* Years earlier, Wetherell had been sentenced to several years in Federal Prison for his involvement in political graft.
Harrison, however, thought Bill was wonderful and one of the best people he had working for him. So, when an anonymous tipster lodged a complaint that Bill illegally subverted the competitive bid process and steered thousands of dollars in UCF money to the Wetherell family sign making company, Harrison initially dismissed it as without merit.
Later, Harrison was given evidence of Bill’s betrayal that was so damning that even the childishly-naïve Harrison concluded that Bill was his enemy. Although the merits of the complaint had not changed, Harrison reversed his earlier position and ordered a formal investigation of the allegation of financial impropriety.
The point of this story: If you are going to steal from UCF, make sure you don’t have or make any enemies. If Jamal Nayfeh, who used his UCF credit card to buy a home theatre system, had been better liked and more politically connected, he may have gotten away with it or only had to slowly pay back the stolen funds à la David Mealor.
Remember, Mealor was reported because he made an enemy of a low-level employee, but he was left unpunished by the more powerful because he was politically connected. At UCF, if everybody loves or fears you, you can take whatever you want.
* Years earlier, Wetherell had been sentenced to several years in Federal Prison for his involvement in political graft.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Gambling With Other People’s Money
UCF administrators have to pay for some past mistakes and future dreams. So, they are raising student fees.
Friday, January 9, 2009
So It Goes
The new offensive coordinator for the UCF football team has been arrested twice for drinking and driving.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Nicely Said, Part II
The Orlando Sentinel on Ray Sansom:
Florida House Speaker Ray Sansom did what he had to do Monday, the opening day of a special legislative session, resigning from an academic job that reeked of payback for delivering the legislative goods.
He had little choice, really. The $110,000 job with Northwest Florida State College was a legislative millstone for Mr. Sansom, who had used his political muscle to steer enormous sums to the small Panhandle college.
The Destin Republican still faces an ethics complaint, but if he truly wants to restore his credibility, he'll lead the charge to halt the growing practice of legislators taking plum jobs with government agencies, especially academic institutions.
We know, we know -- Florida doesn't have full-time legislators. They need to work. But Florida has a big private sector out there. There's local and federal government, too. State government isn't the only work around.
Now that Mr. Sansom has called it quits, Northwest Florida's trustees owe it to the public to hold the school president accountable. Bob Richburg was the one who got Mr. Sansom to do his bidding, and who offered Mr. Sansom a job without advertising it or interviewing other candidates. The president facilitated this embarrassment.
More likely, they'll congratulate Mr. Richburg, offer him a bonus and bemoan the nattering nabobs who halted their gravy train.
Florida House Speaker Ray Sansom did what he had to do Monday, the opening day of a special legislative session, resigning from an academic job that reeked of payback for delivering the legislative goods.
He had little choice, really. The $110,000 job with Northwest Florida State College was a legislative millstone for Mr. Sansom, who had used his political muscle to steer enormous sums to the small Panhandle college.
The Destin Republican still faces an ethics complaint, but if he truly wants to restore his credibility, he'll lead the charge to halt the growing practice of legislators taking plum jobs with government agencies, especially academic institutions.
We know, we know -- Florida doesn't have full-time legislators. They need to work. But Florida has a big private sector out there. There's local and federal government, too. State government isn't the only work around.
Now that Mr. Sansom has called it quits, Northwest Florida's trustees owe it to the public to hold the school president accountable. Bob Richburg was the one who got Mr. Sansom to do his bidding, and who offered Mr. Sansom a job without advertising it or interviewing other candidates. The president facilitated this embarrassment.
More likely, they'll congratulate Mr. Richburg, offer him a bonus and bemoan the nattering nabobs who halted their gravy train.
Good
From the Orlando Sentinel:
TALLAHASSEE - House Speaker Ray Sansom bowed to mounting pressure Monday and resigned his $110,000-a-year job at a Panhandle college, acknowledging the controversy over his role in steering millions in state dollars to the school before being given the position.
The Destin Republican had been under siege since news broke that he had accepted the job as vice president at Northwest Florida State College on the same day in November that he was sworn in as speaker. Sansom was to be paid $25,000 more than his predecessor, and the college didn't advertise the job.
It was subsequently disclosed that during the past two years, he had steered more than $30 million in state funds to the college, from which he and his wife graduated in the 1980s.
Like Evelyn Lynn, Sansom grudgingly acquiesced to political pressure. The media needs to keep watching these two because they are shady.
TALLAHASSEE - House Speaker Ray Sansom bowed to mounting pressure Monday and resigned his $110,000-a-year job at a Panhandle college, acknowledging the controversy over his role in steering millions in state dollars to the school before being given the position.
The Destin Republican had been under siege since news broke that he had accepted the job as vice president at Northwest Florida State College on the same day in November that he was sworn in as speaker. Sansom was to be paid $25,000 more than his predecessor, and the college didn't advertise the job.
It was subsequently disclosed that during the past two years, he had steered more than $30 million in state funds to the college, from which he and his wife graduated in the 1980s.
Like Evelyn Lynn, Sansom grudgingly acquiesced to political pressure. The media needs to keep watching these two because they are shady.
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