Hitt’s Failure is an Orphan

Sorry for the light posting, but I’ve been busy hanging lights and dressing up as Santa Claus.

If you haven’t seen it, you should check out this Beth Kassab article about the business of UCF basketball.

The University of Central Florida's home court is the centerpiece of the largest construction project in the school's history: a $242 million development that includes the 10,000-seat arena, retail shops, student housing and a parking garage.

The complex opened in the fall of 2007, just before the worst recession since World War II got under way.

As a result, the economy has taken its toll on the town-like social center near the school's new football stadium. High turnover and empty storefronts plague the retail space. The pull-back in consumer spending has slowed ticket sales and concession revenue for concerts and other events. And a naming-rights deal for the arena itself — projected before the start of construction to be worth $250,000 a year — never materialized.

Hitt has always aspired to be more than an administrator tasked with the orderly and efficient operation of a university. He has aspired to be an entrepreneur. But he is not. Entrepreneurs raise capital from investors not taxpayers. Entrepreneurs are able to sense the future and profit from it.

Interesting

The Sentinel did another article on the cheating scandal. Taylor Ellis tends to speak his mind.

The midterm exam was 55 multiple-choice questions, with different versions generated by a computer program each day during the midterm testing period. Quinn set up the test so that each version was pulled from the test bank, a practice Ellis said was not ideal.

First Chink in the Armor

I haven’t gotten a particularly bad vibe from the new Provost, but this essay is really weak. Surely he could have done better.

More Bad Press

Ostensibly racist textbooks don’t win admirers.

Grant Heston Sucks, Part III

UCF spends a lot of money on PR, yet UCF gets terrible press coverage. As best I can tell, UCF PR does two things. They write good news stories that have a state-run media vibe, and they deny UCF’s culpability in the scandal of the week (e.g., they tell the press that the football stadium doesn’t need water fountains).

But they don't get UCF good press coverage.

UCF Loves Getting Sued

From the Sentinel:

A former University of Central Florida professor has filed a lawsuit against the school after she said she was let go because she refused to use a textbook that "contains antiquated and offensive racial, ethnic and other stereotypes."

Hitt hates dissent and from reading the lawsuit it appears this mentality has filtered down to the College of Nursing.

Answer the Question, Jerk!

Knight News has some fun video of Quinn ignoring an inquisitive reporter.

Grant Heston Sucks, Part II

From the Sentinel:

The university is still trying to figure out how students acquired the test questions. It appears they accessed them online somehow, said UCF spokesman Grant Heston.

Quinn, Heston acknowledged, did not write his own questions for the test. Citing an ongoing investigation, he could not say whether the questions were publicly accessible online.

Publishers often create exam questions from their textbooks that are made available to instructors and professors. And sometimes those questions end up on websites.

In this case, Quinn's test questions came from the publisher of the textbook used in his class, Heston said

Heston would not speculate if the incident could have been avoided had the instructor come up with his own questions.

"Let's be sure to keep the focus where it belongs," Heston said. "Not on the instructor who administered the test but on those students who chose to acquire the test beforehand and use it inappropriately."

The scandal, which ended up on Good Morning America this week, has been a public-relations nightmare for UCF and has sparked a lively debate online about who's to blame.

The coverage has drawn dozens of comments to orlandosentinel.com — some from readers who argue that students were not cheating if they did not steal any questions.

One Sentinel reader blamed both the students and the professor: "These students knew their professor well. They know he has been using the same resource for test questions for years. They took advantage of his shortcomings."

Heston insists that the professor was not the problem.

"I think it's really unfortunate that there seems to be an effort to cast blame on this instructor when he is blameless in this," Heston said.

Why is the instructor blameless, Grant, because you say he’s blameless? If you don’t know how the students obtained the questions then how can you be sure that they are cheaters? Is every fraternity and sorority that keeps files of past tests guilty of cheating? It is certainly a debatable point where it would be nice if you offered something besides circular reasoning.

More importantly, why is UCF so down on these students? The school doesn’t have a problem with cheating. An obvious example is the million dollar football coach who lied on his resume and along with other UCF employees engaged in a cover-up of the facts surrounding the death of a player.

But what about David Mealor? He was paid by UCF while he was serving in the state legislature. When this became public, he didn’t get fired. He didn’t have to attend an ethics seminar. All he had to do was pay the money back over several years with no interest and no penalties. And if you try to argue that it was an oversight, you are living in a fantasy land. Everyone talked about what a double-dipping bastard he was way before all this stuff became public. And, yes, Mealor is dumb but he is not so dumb as to not notice that he was getting paid when he wasn’t working.

These are the questions I would like to see someone answer, Grant.

Question of the Day

From a reader:

Hey,

I like the blog, at least someone is watching.

Have you ever thought about working to change any of these problems?

That’s what I’m trying to do with this blog. I want UCF to be better. By paying attention, I’m hoping that some things change.

Like Taking a DMV Test

There is a video circulating that shows Quinn implying that he writes his own exams when it is now well known that he simply used the textbook’s test-bank.

If I were a student in that class, I wouldn’t even bother listening to the lectures. I would just read the textbook.

Quinn is Lazy

From a reader:

There is more not to like. When he decided to give the second test,
he made his graduate students make up the questions. They are making up the final too. He has been using questions that the textbook publisher produced, and these are the ones that he has apparently been using for years.

I was embarassed for him as he did not seem to have a problem with this.

I Bet the Kool-Aid Tastes Good

When I watched Quinn’s cheating lecture, I disliked him. I went looking for something about him to like. That didn’t work out:

With more than 53,000 students, UCF is now the largest university in the state, but Quinn believes the institution has grown in a positive way. "For me, it is not just how much the university has grown in the past 10 years, but how it has grown. With most large universities, the surrounding community grows primarily to service the needs of the university. At UCF, the opposite is true," he explained.

"UCF has systematically grown to serve the needs of the communities that surround us. The bond between UCF and the central Florida region is not only strong, but impressive in its vitality and sense of purpose," he added.

Fifteen Minutes

The “cheating” scandal gets national coverage on Good Morning America. From the segment, it seems like Richard Quinn is enjoying being in the limelight.

Tone Deaf

At the October meeting where they voted to deny the faculty raises, Tom Yochum and Rick Walsh were overheard talking about which Porsche they drove to the meeting.

What Will Happen?

On November 10th, there is a BOT meeting to determine if Hitt and his lackeys will get their big bonuses.

Don’t Confess

It is well worth the 15 minutes to watch this really bizarre rant.

Grant Heston Sucks

A commenter on the cheating story gets it right:

"It's disappointing these actions took place," UCF spokesman Grant Heston said of the apparent cheating, but the incident demonstrates policies in place to detect cheating are working.

What policy is that; hoping a benevolent student tips you off anonymously via a drop box?

UCF is the third largest university campus in America by some counts, but only ranks #179 amongst public colleges by U.S. News and World Reports. They should stop focusing on bigger and start focusing on better.

Everybody Cheats (Even at Easy Schools)

From the Orlando Sentinel:

Close to 600 students in a senior-level business course at University of Central Florida must retake a mid-term exam after a professor was tipped off to cheating.

Students who admit to cheating will be given the chance to complete the course if they attend an ethics seminar, Professor Richard Quinn told students.

Those who don't step forward will be found out anyway, Quinn promised during an emotional lecture.

The incident, Quinn told students, has left him "physically ill, absolutely disgusted" and "completely disillusioned" after 20 years of teaching.

Quinn is teaching a senior level course with six hundred students and giving them multiple choice exams, and the thing that makes him ill, disgusted, and disillusioned is that, given the opportunity, students cheated?

Good

In the Erek Plancher case, the judge has ruled that UCFAA is not a state agency and therefore damages will not be capped at 200K.

They Love You, Diane

Diane Chase in her Interim Provost Update:

UCF has been dealing with state-mandated budget reductions for quite some time. Unfortunately, it appears that we may see more cuts to our state budget in the 2010-11 fiscal year.

In anticipation of these potential cuts, 2010-11 E&G budgets will be reduced by three percent, effective immediately. This action permits departments to make the necessary budget adjustments now, rather than in mid-year when cuts would be more difficult to manage.

From a reader:

How outrageous for our administrators to accept bonuses (including bonuses for previous years PLUS INTEREST)? Then to announce that they have to cut budgets? When did admin ever cut its budget? Why is it only ever the instructional budgets that are cut?

I have no info to add. Just angry about Diane's announcement today. Though I guess she wasn't on the wall of shame for getting a bonus, she is surely raking in the dough regularly.

From another reader:

Did you see this already?

The interim evil gnome is squawking from below a slimy rock...Gotta love this honest-to-sliminess-promise: "The holdback represents about $7 million and will be applied equally to all academic and administrative departments.", Yeah, right, Diane - just like last time when we 'had to' do layoffs of a bunch of long term faculty - but we were told that absolutely and certainly the same layoffs would happen among the administrators too (cause they are so easy to lay off since they aren't protected by any pesky tenure or collective bargaining rules - which you fucking try to break at every turn anyway...) And guess what, not a single administrator has been laid off - but a bunch of you fuckers got yourself some hefty bonuses.

So how do Terry's kneepads fit, Diane?

Wall of Shame

Here is the list of administrators and the amount of their bonuses:

John Hitt.........................$143,085.01
Terry Hickey...................$26,572.93
Marion Soileau................$21,122.07
William Merck.................$19,759.36
Robert Holmes................$19,759.36
Daniel Holsenbeck...........$16,352.57
Scott Cole........................$15,671.22
Maribeth Ehasz................$14,308.50
Helen Donegan.................$12,264.43

I Hate These People*

Have you ever said something so stupid that it pretty much stays with you for your whole life and you cringe every time you think about it? Here is the stupidest thing I have ever said on this blog:

First, UCF punished an administrator for stealing and now eleven UCF administrators are turning down $469,000 worth of raises. If this keeps up*, I’ll have to change the name of this blog to UCF Loves Doing the Right Thing.

* It won’t.

A few weeks later, I realized my mistake thanks to Jim Gilkeson:

The final straw? That secret bonus plan for UCF's top 11 administrators? President Hitt and his VPs didn't turn down the bonuses (as they claimed in a press release that was circulated one day before a television report about them was going to air), they merely deferred the bonuses to a later date. Our senior administrators still think they deserve over $450,000 in bonuses. Outrageous. They say there’s no money for raises. They make threats of pay cuts. Yet our senior administration still plans to pay itself half a million in bonuses – as soon as it won’t be a public relations nightmare to do so. It’s bad enough when this sort of behavior drives multi-billion dollar financial institutions into bankruptcy; it’s unbelievable that it would happen at a tax-payer supported, public university.

Gilkeson was right:

President John Hitt is among nearly a dozen top administrators at University of Central Florida in line to receive thousands of dollars in performance-based bonuses this year that were postponed from last year because of the bad economy.

Trustees voted to go ahead with the payouts totaling about $289,000, including interest, during a telephone conference meeting Thursday.

Later today or early tomorrow, I will post a list of the selfish, useless administrators who are getting these bonuses. It won’t do much, but at least when they google themselves, they will be directed to this blog.

* From a reader email about this article. I feel the same.

No Respect for Money

UCF is spending the student athletic fee on a new advertising campaign around the concept of UKNIGHT. Get it? They want you to UKNIGHT around the football program. When I first read about this, I thought it was a terrible waste of money, but as readers of the blog realize, I have a general antipathy towards the jagoffs that run UCF so I wondered if my reaction was fair.

But then I read the comments about the first two UKNIGHT commercials on the Sentinel’s blog about UCF sports. I read this blog regularly, and most of the commenters are positive about the program. However, their reaction to these ads was overwhelmingly negative. Go read for yourself. My favorite was “not bad for a community college.”

Just When I Thought I Was Out…

I’ve been getting emails asking me to take a few final shots at the departing Provost Hickey. I decided to take a pass because what is the point of kicking someone when they are getting ready to start shopping for coffins? But then I read Hickey’s goodbye interview with the Orlando Sentinel, and I’ll be damned if that crooked-tooth, little mother fucker hasn’t pulled me back in.

From the interview:

When it comes to academics, what has been your focus?

Access is one. I was a first-generation college student. I came out of a high school where few went to college. But I worked hard and got financial aid to go to college. Dr. Hitt comes from a similar environment. So access to a college education if [sic] very important to us. Higher education can make all the difference in the world to someone.

I’m fine with giving everyone a chance, but you don’t have to give everyone a degree. UCF degrees are giveaways.

When you took the job, you told people you planned to stay six or seven years.

And I did. It's time to do something else now, time to get out of the way. I started working as a kid, mowing lawns. So I've been working for 55 years. I'm going to take some time to unwind. That includes some tennis. I'm taking up a fitness program — it's Navy Seals-type training. I haven't read for pleasure in years, so I'm looking forward to getting back to that. There was just so much to read connected to the job, no time. I've been approached to do some consulting. But for now, I'll be taking some time to figure out what comes next.

Hickey loves to lie, and this quote is a perfect example of how Hickey can’t help prevaricating even about things that don’t matter. He can’t just say he is going to exercise. He has to say that he is going to do Navy Seals-type training. Really? Seriously? This is right up there with saying the UCF medical school is more selective than Harvard.

Any regrets?

Getting to the point of having to do layoffs. I would have loved to have not had to do that. The last three years of budget-cutting have been tough. But not a week goes by that someone doesn't say thank you. I think we did better than a lot of other institutions.

Well, here’s a week that someone also says “Fuck you, Terry.”

A House Divided = More Administrators

The Department of Criminal Justice and Legal Studies has been split up. So, one terrible department will now be two terrible departments.

A Lone June Post

Tuition at all the state public universities is going to increase15 percent. This wouldn’t be so reprehensible if these schools didn’t deliver a mediocre product while wasting money on unnecessary administrative salaries.

Also, I get tired of the argument that Florida schools have tuition levels below the national average. They have to do this because they are offering a shitty, meaningless degree. Take the state’s flagship university, UF, do you think anyone outside the state, that isn’t an evangelical alumni, is impressed by a degree from that school?

Also, because these tuition increases are exempt from Bright Futures, I suspect that more talented students are going to forgo the now partial tuition scholarship in favor of going to a legitimate school.

And oh yeah, did I miss the promised UCF administrative layoffs? When are those going to happen?

New Provost

Hey Tony Waldrop, please try really hard to not be a fucking asshole.

Expensive Make Work

UCF did a fancy brochure for the Provost Search. Go check it out for yourself. Here are two highlights:

There is this prominent and puerile comment from John Hitt (page 9): “Research advances our understanding of the world and benefits our economy, both of which make our lives better.” Wow, Dr. Hitt, I never knew that. By the way, I’m being sarcastic. Sarcasm helps us laugh and often makes an important point, both of which make our lives better.

There is a list of 15 prominent alumni (page 4). With the exception of astronaut Nicole Stott, none are impressive and at least two of them, Brandon Marshall and Lee Constantine, are criminals. Also, why isn’t Daniel Tosh on the list?

Let Them Drink Dasani*

More evidence of UCF’s PR prowess (from a new book about bottled water):

September 15, 2007, was a big day for the alumni, family, and fans of the University of Central Florida and the UCF Knights football team. After years of waiting and hoping, the University of Central Florida had finally built their own football stadium — the new Bright House Networks arena. Under clear skies, and with temperatures nearing 100 degrees, a sell-out crowd of 45,622 was on hand to watch the first-ever real UCF home game against the Texas Longhorns, a national powerhouse. "I never thought we'd see this, but we sure are proud to have a stadium on campus," said UCF alumnus and Knight fan Tim Ball as he and his family tailgated in the parking lot before the game. And in an exciting, three-hour back-and-forth contest, the UCF Knights almost pulled off an upset before losing in the final minutes 35 to 32.

Knight supporters were thrilled and left thirsting for more — literally. Fans found out the hard way that their new $54-million stadium had been built without a single drinking water fountain. And for "security" reasons, no one could bring water into the stadium. The only water available for overheated fans was $3 bottled water from the concessionaires or water from the bathroom taps, and long before the end of the game, the concessionaires had run out of bottled water. Eighteen people were taken to local hospitals and sixty more were treated by campus medical personnel for heat-related illnesses. The 2004 Florida building code, in effect in 2005 when the UCF Board of Trustees approved the stadium design, mandated that stadiums and other public arenas have a water fountain for every 1,000 seats, or half that number if "bottled water dispensers" are available. Under these requirements, the arena should have been built with at least twenty water fountains. Furthermore, a spokesman for the International Code Council in Washington, which developed Florida's building code, said, "Selling bottled water out of a concession stand is not what the code meant."

The initial reaction from the University was swift and remarkably unapologetic: UCF spokesman Grant Heston appeared on the local TV news to argue that the codes in place when the stadium was designed didn't require fountains. A few days after the game, as news of the hospitalizations was reverberating, University President John Hitt said, "We will look at adding the water fountains, but I have to say to you I don't think that's the answer to this problem. We could have had 50 water fountains and still had a problem on Saturday." Al Harms, UCF's vice president for strategic planning and the coordinator for the operations of the stadium, told the Orlando Sentinel, "We won't make a snap decision" about installing fountains in the new stadium. Harms did promise that they would triple the amount of bottled water available for sale, and give away one free bottle per person at the next game. Harms also said, apparently without a trace of sarcasm, "It's our way of saying we're sorry."

For some UCF students, this wasn't enough. One of them, Nathaniel Dorn, mobilized in twenty-first-century fashion. He created a Facebook group, Knights for Free Water, which quickly attracted nearly 700 members. He and several other students showed up at a packed school hearing, talked to local TV and print media, and ridiculed the school's offer of a free bottle of water. Under this glare of attention the University did an abrupt about-face and announced that ten fountains would be installed by the next game and fifty would be installed permanently.

* Hat tip to a reader for suggesting this title.

The Old Man and the Sea

He is a regular Santiago.

Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

At UCF graduation, Alex Sink accidentally referred to UCF as USF. Students booed. I wonder if Capella University graduates would boo if their commencement speaker referred to them as the University of Phoenix.

Delusions of Grandeur

UCF is going to cancel afternoon classes on 6 October to accommodate tailgating for the evening football contest with the University of Alabama at Birmingham. It’s no surprise that UCF is putting pre-drinking ahead of academics. What is pathetic is they believe a weeknight game against another minor football program is going to draw such a giant crowd that they need to close the whole stupid school. The attendance for this game won’t be much bigger than one of UCF’s many large lecture classes.

An Email I Stopped Reading After the First Sentence

Gollum announcing the new Department of Writing and Rhetoric:

Will students one day improve their writing skills by taking an Engineering class?

Nasty But Predictable

I was trying to write a post about the new Department of Writing and Rhetoric. It started off with this sentence: “One of the challenges of writing this blog is to not sound like a broken record. This is especially difficult because UCF administrators keep acting like broken records.”

As I was working on this sentence, a reader forwarded to me an email written by UCF English Professor Elizabeth Wardle (it’s boring, but hang in there):

A message to all members of Writing-About-Writing

I am writing to let you all know that yesterday the English Department at UCF officially learned that as of July 1 we will have a brand new Department of Writing and Rhetoric, and an infusion of $1.7 million of new money to replace all composition adjunct and visiting lines with permanent faculty over the next four years. The new money will also begin a brand new WAC program, which will also be phased in over four years.

We will begin with 7 tenured rhet/comp faculty, and hire six more over the next few years. Three of these will be program directors—Director of Composition, Director of WAC, and Director of the Writing Center. All three of these programs will be part of and funded through the new department.

The new department will also be innovating new BA, MA, and certificate programs related to writing.

This is a presidential initiative, and a direct result of assessment of our new WAW curriculum. I presented our assessment results to the President's Council over Spring Break, and ended with a vision for how to build on this foundation through a vertical curriculum. The president listened, and this is the result.

Of course now is a difficult time, as people in English are very upset about the change and uncertain about their futures. Some of the reaction is very nasty but predictable (see the UCF Love [sic] Money blog for an example). But the impact on students will be extremely positive, we have the president's full support, and I could not be more excited.

So, Elizabeth, I’m wondering: what does Hitt’s ass taste like? Now, that was a nasty reaction (I re-read all the comments about the split, and they were pretty mild).

Putting aside your tender sensibilities for a moment, Elizabeth, I would contend that because a counter-argument is “predictable” doesn’t mean the argument is wrong. Perhaps, the response was both predictable and justified.

Anyway, I’ve got a homework assignment for you, Dr. Wardle. Please explain why writing and rhetoric can’t be taught within the existing English Department. Why is it necessary to spend so much additional money to have a separate department?

I am flattered that you take the time to read and tell others about my blog, and with some top notch rhetoric and composition you could convince me that this time is different; that this time UCF won’t be wasting money on something stupid.

Show me a little bit of what students will be getting for 1.7 million bucks.

Wish I Could Buy Put Options on Rhetoric/Composition

Regarding the split of the English department, a reader writes:

Thanks for spreading the word. You could also add the fact that there is absolutely no demand whatsoever for the BA degree in rhetoric/composition that they plan to create. There is no rational reason to create such a degree program.

Another reader writes:

The division is one of the most cynical and ill-advised moves I've witnessed yet. The very fact it is happening at the last minute and secretly (with claims it is all above board) tells the whole story. Hickey splits the college and cripples the humanities. CAH claims it can't afford a ream of paper--and then suddenly we have a new department with no majors and hiring plans galore…All chiefs supervising a few Indians, to what purpose?

All sad--since the people who are authorizing it are all going to be gone when the place looks like Brazil (the movie) or Mad Max country.

If only they would quit saying things like strategic plan and goals. They lie and lie and lie.

To use the idiot language of a UCF administrator, this is a win/win. Heads they win; tails we lose.*

* I stole this phrase from someone, possibly Paul Krugman. He was writing about the executives at big banks...I don’t even need to say it, do I?

Divorce = Spending More Money

From a Reader:

So, did you hear that the English dept will be split in two? It will become a "Department of Writing & Rhetoric" and a "Department of English."

The new dept will begin with 7 tenured faculty and approximately 10 instructors. It is to have at least 6 administrators: Director of Composition, Director of Writing Across the Curriculum, Director of University Writing Center, all of whom will be overseen by a Director of Writing Outreach Programs; also a Director of Writing Degree Programs who will oversee a yet-to-be-created BA, MA, and grad certificate. And of course a chair, who has the Director of Writing Outreach Programs and Director of Writing Degree Programs reporting to him. Over the next four years, the new dept will hire 6 new tenure track faculty and 30 more instructors. All of this is to be announced tomorrow and will be in place by next fall.

Good thing UCF saved all that money by laying off faculty in engineering and COHPA, isn't it? Now UCF gets to have two English departments. Isn't that a joke--that in hell, the provost manages two English departments?

Chit Chat

Here’s an informal conversation I had with a reader (The reader did approve posting it...otherwise I wouldn't have published it).

Me: I'm just less and less motivated to do the blog...there's been stuff to write about...I watched some of Hickey's final interview, and I was amazed at how bad he was...obviously I don't like him, but he can present better than he did...he was just rambling...but I never did the post because I felt like I should watch all of the interview before commenting, and I just didn't want to do that.

Reader: I did watch the whole interview and it doesn't vary. He doesn't listen and I agree: I didn't expect him to be that inept. But I think it is the epidemic of Millican'ts belief in their own PR. Lin HC thinks she's a hot shot? Hickey thinks he's a player, and Hitt thinks he's god. Naked Emperor Circle Jerk.

Question of the Day

From a reader:

As we found out today that Dave Harrison will be leaving July 1. I'm guessing (hoping) Hickey believes this position to be beneath him...he wouldn't apply for this one, would he?

Hickey said during his failed interview at FAU that he was tired of being a provost so I don’t think he would want to be a lowly vice provost. My concern is that Hickey will try for Hitt’s job when it becomes available; I’m hopeful that the UCF Trustees won’t want to dine on a meal that FAU refused to eat.

And You’re Still Short

From the Palm Beach Post:

During the deliberations, Saunders and Wichita State University provost Gary Miller rose to the forefront while University of Central Florida provost Terry Hickey called to withdraw his application. Many board members said that he lacked "enthusiasm" for the position.

Terry, that was so lame. By withdrawing I guess you were trying to hold on to your dignity (i.e., rejecting them before they had the chance to reject you), but you just looked pathetic.

FAU: Hickey’s Saint Helena

Hickey is interviewing at FAU today, and I noticed there are a lot of visitors from FAU servers.

Now, you all would probably guess that I’m rooting against Hickey to be named President of FAU. He is an ass clown, and it would be satisfying to see him fail to get something he wants.

But that’s short sighted. Denying Hickey a job somewhere else doesn’t undo any of the damage he’s done at UCF. But if FAU hires him, it probably ensures that he won’t try for Hitt’s job when it becomes vacant; that’s the greater good.

UCF Loves Tacky Merchandise

From a reader:

You will probably remember the UCF administration's posturing after Bud Light distributed some gold and black beer cans in the Orlando area. The university is careful not to encourage underage drinking in any way, so athletics licensed this handy belt buckle that also allows young tailgaters to open vintage Coca-Cola bottles.

Rumors

I probably won’t post them, but please keep sending in rumors and gossip about the Provost search…they are very entertaining and help break up the day.

What an Ambitious Little Fellow

From a reader:

Thought you would like to know what I just heard: Hickey has applied to become president of FAU--so much for that cover story of retiring because of age - ha!

They are only Pretending to Search

Except for the first sentence, this is a good article about the search committee for the new Provost. From the article:

Peter Panousis, the dean of the College of Sciences, was chosen to be the chair for the search committee.

He said President John Hitt was the primary person who appointed the committee.

“President Hitt chose people who were known to be positive supporters of the university and could make a very critical analysis of the skills of those we will interview,” Panousis said.

The search committee is made up of 32 members, including the chair, and includes four sections.

Transaltion: Hitt is obsessed with loyalty and picked only those he perceives as being loyal.

Here’s the thing: search committees are Kabuki Theater. Hitt knows or will know who he wants to hire.* This will be signaled to the search committee who will then make sure to recommend his candidate. That UCF is paying money to an outside consulting firm to help with the search shows a total disregard for money.

* Here’s a good rule of thumb for UCF applicants. If you don’t know before you apply for a job with UCF that you are going to get the job, then you probably won’t be getting the job. This is almost always true for USPS and A&P positions and usually true for faculty or administrative faculty (e.g., department chair) hires.

I’m Not the Only One

Recently, I had a nice lunch with some friends (yes, I have friends), and the conversation shifted to UCF. Even though I was the only person at the table with a UCF affiliation, I wasn’t the one to move the conversation in this direction.

One of my friends non-jokingly said “UCF is the MIT of the South.” I started asking for some justification of the statement when another friend, who has an impressive engineering background and no knowledge of this blog or my feelings toward UCF, said “I don’t think having a lot of graduates is the same thing as being MIT.”

Love Shouldn't Hurt

UCF is getting a new provost in June. That’s less than six months away. But, as any reputable therapist will tell you, when you’ve been in an abusive relationship for seven years, the worst thing to do is hop right into a new relationship. Maybe UCF should try to live without a provost for a while. Learn how to “be itself,” make healthy decisions, maybe rediscover some hobbies it used to enjoy before everything got so crazy with Hickey. You know, something rewarding like delivering quality education to its students. And, when you’re in an abusive relationship, you can get really isolated. Wouldn’t it be great if UCF could reconnect with all those faculty and staff it used to be friends with? Sure it will be scary for a while. Hickey always told UCF that he knew what was best for the university, even while he pimped it out to his cronies. It’s going to take a long time for UCF to learn that good leadership doesn’t have to hurt. And, now at this vulnerable time, there’s a really big danger that UCF will just pick another bullying, dishonest provost with a Napoleon complex and anger management issues. It’s hard to break the cycle. The road to recovery will be rocky, but let’s all hope UCF is up to it.

Could Hitt’s Eulogy for Hickey Fit on a Tombstone?

President Hitt on the retirement of his number two guy:

His support for the professoriate inspired a vibrant scholarship of teaching and learning initiative and also created new career paths for university professionals.

I have never ever heard a rank and file professor (i.e., one without administrative aspirations) opine that Hickey has inspired their teaching.

Although I give Hitt most of the credit, Hickey helped usher in the do-nothing lackey administrator as a “new career path for university professionals.”

Hickey did pave the way for short people with Napoleonic complexes to become higher education administrators.*

* I feel I’ve done enough short jokes, but a good friend and uncredited writer for some of my blog posts told me “not to quit until Hickey quits.”

Happy Trails, Cocksucker

Hickey will retire on June 30th.

University of Central Whore Town

I like it when a location that is usually busy is deserted. So, on New Year’s Day I decided to take a run around campus. During my run, I noticed that there are a few nice spots.

The nicest spot is the boardwalk between the Student Union and Health and Public Affairs I. The boardwalk runs through a small forest swamp and is lined with attractive light posts. Hanging from these light posts are tacky banners advertising stuff like Sbarro.

Now, among my complaints against UCF, this one is minor. Nevertheless, these shitty little banners demonstrate that UCF administrators are versatile when it comes to ruining whatever they touch. They are able to destroy academic integrity as well as a pretty boardwalk.

The Dark Side Takes a Physical Toll

So, Hitt is the fourth most powerful person in Central Florida. He beat out a U.S. Senator and three members of the U.S. House of Representatives. Whatever. The thing from the article that caught my eye is that Hitt is only 67. For a wealthy person who has avoided a lifetime of manual labor, he looks like shit.