New A&P Opening: Assistant Vice President for Comedy

Word on the street is that President Hitt in a speech to new faculty said that the President’s job is "to provide football for alumni, parking spaces for faculty, and sex for students.” He then went on to say that he felt comfortable with the first two but was going to stay away from the last.

Setting aside for a moment that this joke isn’t workplace appropriate, it isn’t funny. So, as an olive branch, I’d like to offer John some workplace inappropriate jokes that are funny. If you have ever been offended by anything in your life, please stop reading.

Workplace Inappropriate Jokes for President Hitt:

I’m considered a real stud around campus. I’ve fucked more students than differential tuition.

What’s the difference between Ken Adams and a box of shit? The Box.

The university’s strategic planning meetings are more useless than tits on a nun.

What’s the difference between an Iranian election and a BOT vote? You never know how an Iranian election might turn out.

I’d like to introduce you all to Provost Hickey. The good thing about him is that he is so short that when he blows me he doesn’t have to get on his knees.